This sounds pretty weird, but currently, I want a blog. I know it sounds silly because I have a blog. If I don't have a blog, then I have no idea where all these ramblings and writings go. However, for the past year or so, all I've wanted is a blog. Actually, I even teamed up with Mel and Judy to start a lifestyle blog. I don't update it very often. Yet.. I still want one of my own. Maybe it's the greedy side of me that doesn't want to share.
I've been catching up on blogs lately. My list of blogs I follow on Blog Lovin' continues to grow and grow. Yet, there's still an empty place in my heart where my blog belongs.
I was talking with Mel the other day, and it's silly because I came to the conclusion that blogs are really... conceited. I follow many many fashion blogs, and those include OOTD pictures and various other pictures of the blogger. Honestly, I believe I'm pretty nervous about uploaded picture of myself online. Sure, I've done it before, but it's weird. Ish.
I've decided what kind of blog I want though. I want a lifestyle photo blog. Remember when I used to take mountains and mountains of pictures? That's what I want again. Eventually, one day when I purchase my DSLR (which I know I've been saying for over a year now), I want a place to showcase my pictures. I want an area where I can document things that I do. A place where I can talk about my daily life where I can look back and reminisce. I want to be able to make time for a blog. Make time for the things that I love, and document my new experiences. I want to document various things like the food I eat and make. I want to show my journey of trying to find my personal style. I realize that having a record is actually cool. My style has changed a lot since middle school and although I still haven't found "my look," it's really interesting to see what I could potentially make out of my current wardrobe.
I want to have a record of my life so that when I look back on this, I can remember what I accomplished in college. I want a blog similar to what instagram does, but with more skill than using a set filter. I want to learn about photography and document my progression. I want a hobby, and I want it to be blogging.
I want to be able to look at something written in my own words and remember my own memories.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
I am tired of spending money. I honestly really should get a job, but I don't really think I have time.
I'm taking on a lot next semester, but I feel like I never take on enough. Only 12 units for my major next semester. My major is sometimes really a joke. Sometimes I wish I was challenged more so I would put more effort into the things I do.
Excomm next semester.
I interviewed for this class at SJSU. Hopefully I get it. It's a leadership development class which allows individuals to learn and grow as leaders. It provides skills which are beneficial to peer leadership opportunities on campus, or even anything really. Only 18 students get it, and hopefully I'm one of them.
I'm currently debating. Right now I can walk in Spring 2014, and do my internship in Summer 2014. I wouldn't technically graduate until after my internship. But the internship is a 10 unit class, and in summer you have to pay per unit. Maybe I'll do internship in the fall.. and technically, I would be able to still take classes. Which would free up my summer, in hopes that I could potentially try for Frosh Orientation Leader one more time. But let's be honest, they don't take people who are about to graduate.
So if I end up going to grad school for speech pathology (the major I originally wanted), I'm going to have to do about a year-year and a half of core work in order to get into grad school. 5.5 years of college + 1.5 of core work Before I even get into grad school. Is that even what I really want to accomplish? I'm searching for what I want to do, again. But who really knows? We're all young anyway.
All I want is.. a job that I enjoy making enough money for me to live comfortably. And enough money to support myself and my family if (knock on wood) anything ever happened and I need to be a single mother.
As for what I enjoy studying.. I enjoyed this semester a lot, actually. I got to interact with people with disabilities. & I got to learn a lot about disabilities and I really enjoyed it. I worked with people aging from 4-40, and I loved it. My favorite were the teens and children. This is good. I kind of know what I like now. Maybe I'll do into special education. Or adaptive physical education. And yet, I still think about speech pathology. At the same time, learning abut mental illnesses is really exciting. Although working with adults with mental illnesses and developmental disabilities wasn't really my favorite. I just like studying it. Eating disorders are also really interesting to me.
I'm taking on a lot next semester, but I feel like I never take on enough. Only 12 units for my major next semester. My major is sometimes really a joke. Sometimes I wish I was challenged more so I would put more effort into the things I do.
Excomm next semester.
I interviewed for this class at SJSU. Hopefully I get it. It's a leadership development class which allows individuals to learn and grow as leaders. It provides skills which are beneficial to peer leadership opportunities on campus, or even anything really. Only 18 students get it, and hopefully I'm one of them.
I'm currently debating. Right now I can walk in Spring 2014, and do my internship in Summer 2014. I wouldn't technically graduate until after my internship. But the internship is a 10 unit class, and in summer you have to pay per unit. Maybe I'll do internship in the fall.. and technically, I would be able to still take classes. Which would free up my summer, in hopes that I could potentially try for Frosh Orientation Leader one more time. But let's be honest, they don't take people who are about to graduate.
So if I end up going to grad school for speech pathology (the major I originally wanted), I'm going to have to do about a year-year and a half of core work in order to get into grad school. 5.5 years of college + 1.5 of core work Before I even get into grad school. Is that even what I really want to accomplish? I'm searching for what I want to do, again. But who really knows? We're all young anyway.
All I want is.. a job that I enjoy making enough money for me to live comfortably. And enough money to support myself and my family if (knock on wood) anything ever happened and I need to be a single mother.
As for what I enjoy studying.. I enjoyed this semester a lot, actually. I got to interact with people with disabilities. & I got to learn a lot about disabilities and I really enjoyed it. I worked with people aging from 4-40, and I loved it. My favorite were the teens and children. This is good. I kind of know what I like now. Maybe I'll do into special education. Or adaptive physical education. And yet, I still think about speech pathology. At the same time, learning abut mental illnesses is really exciting. Although working with adults with mental illnesses and developmental disabilities wasn't really my favorite. I just like studying it. Eating disorders are also really interesting to me.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Lacking both motivation and discipline. By now, I should have mastered these skills, what's wrong with me?
Skipping class, skipping volunteering. Watching hours of Jon and Kate Plus 8. There are so many hours in a day, and I just waste them.
You know, when you think about it, there really isn't anything to do with a person other than eat. Or hang out, which usually involved eating. And eating really isn't fun, or enjoyable because ultimately all you do is hand your money away in exchange for something to sustain you. What happens when food is no longer enjoyable? When you can't look at it the same way. I feel like after Biggest Loser, I couldn't look at food the same way. I looked at it as calories, portions, or a time on the clock. It was temptation, nothing needed. Now that I've become more busy, I honestly don't eat to enjoy food. I eat so I don't worry you.. I eat to stop the pain in my head or my stomach. I eat because I tell people that I like eating- to fulfill a reputation that I've created for myself. I eat a lot because I say I do. I'm tired of this.
I feel like I'm really awkward, but when I think about it, everyone is quirky. Like, really quirky. Either they're open about it, or they hide it really well. But whenever I walk around campus or anywhere, everyone looks so normal. I wonder.. Am I like that? Do I blend it well enough when I don't say anything?
How do you know when to leave a relationship? When you're not happy.
I like how simple you make things. This is balance.
I like it when you hold me. I like those subtle touches when we're around people- those looks across the room. Those moments when I wish for all the time in the world. When I can't stop laughing, all the cutesy arguments. I like your face. The way to notice my facial expressions. Those random creative ideas to make things work. The way you question things. Your not-quite-a-lisp-or-accent. How you constantly cut you hair, but I don't notice. How you let me eat your food when I say I don't want any. I like you. Even though you're lame(er than me).
I wish I was more driven and motivated, that I knew what I wanted. I wish that I would stop overthinking. I wish I didn't take things so seriously. I wish for your happiness. I wish for your safety. I wish for your success. I wish for you, my love.
Skipping class, skipping volunteering. Watching hours of Jon and Kate Plus 8. There are so many hours in a day, and I just waste them.
You know, when you think about it, there really isn't anything to do with a person other than eat. Or hang out, which usually involved eating. And eating really isn't fun, or enjoyable because ultimately all you do is hand your money away in exchange for something to sustain you. What happens when food is no longer enjoyable? When you can't look at it the same way. I feel like after Biggest Loser, I couldn't look at food the same way. I looked at it as calories, portions, or a time on the clock. It was temptation, nothing needed. Now that I've become more busy, I honestly don't eat to enjoy food. I eat so I don't worry you.. I eat to stop the pain in my head or my stomach. I eat because I tell people that I like eating- to fulfill a reputation that I've created for myself. I eat a lot because I say I do. I'm tired of this.
I feel like I'm really awkward, but when I think about it, everyone is quirky. Like, really quirky. Either they're open about it, or they hide it really well. But whenever I walk around campus or anywhere, everyone looks so normal. I wonder.. Am I like that? Do I blend it well enough when I don't say anything?
How do you know when to leave a relationship? When you're not happy.
I like how simple you make things. This is balance.
I like it when you hold me. I like those subtle touches when we're around people- those looks across the room. Those moments when I wish for all the time in the world. When I can't stop laughing, all the cutesy arguments. I like your face. The way to notice my facial expressions. Those random creative ideas to make things work. The way you question things. Your not-quite-a-lisp-or-accent. How you constantly cut you hair, but I don't notice. How you let me eat your food when I say I don't want any. I like you. Even though you're lame(er than me).
I wish I was more driven and motivated, that I knew what I wanted. I wish that I would stop overthinking. I wish I didn't take things so seriously. I wish for your happiness. I wish for your safety. I wish for your success. I wish for you, my love.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
For those days where I know I'll need this. From a person who I know has my back. One day I'll thank you, but until then, thank you for your encouragement. Only hope I do the same.
"and as for you..you have the makeup and experience necessary to be ready. you and virginia nailed your speech and the prep towards that really well! of course. you got it you have more potential than you realize!"
"and as for you..you have the makeup and experience necessary to be ready. you and virginia nailed your speech and the prep towards that really well! of course. you got it you have more potential than you realize!"
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Funny how the things we want in life don't end up the way we plan. So I did really want Frosh Orientation Leader, probably more than the majority of people who applied, but honestly, I'm still struggling to look on the bright side of things. Maybe I'm just not cut out for it. Sure, I made it to the last round of the selection process, but honestly, I didn't get it and I can't change their mind. I'm not one to mention why exactly I wanted it. And I'm not one to speak highly about myself. Maybe that's what I did wrong. I didn't speak extremely well about myself, but then again, who's comfortable with that? I knew I wasn't going to get it when I left my interview. I knew it didn't go well. It's funny because everyone around me saw me as an Orientation Leader. They thought I'd be good at it. They thought it fit who I was, and honestly, I really really really really wish I tried last year. For now, I guess I'll try finding something that's better suited for me. I guess I'll try to find something else to get me more involved. Honestly, I just want to step outside my comfort zone. I'm in need of a challenge. I want to look for something to do with my life. I want to be able to help others, to mentor others, to lead by example, to be who I am and love it. I want to share with others my love for this school, share what this school has done for me, how I've grown. I want to help others, and guide them into this journey. This is what I like to do. I like to help people transition. I like to help people who are starting new chapters in their lives. It's what I'm good at, it's what I like. Maybe that's why I'm so interested in helping with potentials and pledges. I didn't realize it in the beginning, but that's why I've held my positions. Recruitment chair, pledge assistant, rush chair- all positions which are extremely hands on with new members. That's what I like. And maybe not getting Orientation Leader is a good thing, it allows me more time to work on my ultimate goal- PT/PE. It's what I want to do. All the blood, sweat, and tears- I'm willing. I'm willing, but am I ready? I need more steps to help me. I'm not ready yet. I miss Link Crew, honestly. After applying for Frosh Orientation, I kept thinking about my experience with Link Crew, and how it felt helping the freshmen out, facilitating events, and ultimately, being role models for them. I think about all the games we played and the different team building activities we learned. I guess I wish I really was apart of the Frosh Orientation crew, because ultimately, Link Crew didn't teach me enough. There's so much more for me to learn. There's so much stuff out there.. all I want to do is experience it. I want to learn more so I can do more.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
It's been a long week, man. Felt semi sick all week.
Last Saturday was HOMECOMING GAME, meaning tail gate :) Honestly, parties really aren't much of my thing. I think they're pretty awkward and I never know what to do because everyone just stands around drinking or playing drinking games. Not my scene, however, I do go to a tail gate and a few special events. And at times, they're fun, but a majority of the time, I just feel awkward. Homecoming tail gate was alright. I feel like two years ago when other people planned them, they were WAY CRAZIER, but times changed. Thinking back, maybe I thought they were crazier because I wasn't accustomed to parties. I'm still not. I'm not much of a drinker. Anyways, it was alright. Had some jungle juice and beers, that's about it. After went back to my place with Andrew and Kevin and chilled. Drank a bottle of white peach whatever-it-was-called. Ate some Mac & Cheese. Andrew left, and Kevin and got to watch Netflix :) And went to In-n-Out because we were starving. That reminds me, the Friday before Andrew and I had Frosh Orientation Workshop. Basically a group interview-type thing where they see how you work in teams and problem solve. After Andrew came over and we ate ramen. SO MUCH RAMEN. Went to Valley Fair with the neighbors & Andrew, then had a casual drinking night with fondue, nommy.And Michael Fung came too! Ahahaha. We didn't even really drink though. What up with that.
Last Sunday was LSR :) As I received an index card stating that "Both of your littles...." My heart stopped. I reread it. My brain didn't work. Both of my littles... THIS MEANT I HAD TWINS. But I didn't request twins. I was really freaked out, unsure of myself, pretty uneasy, extreme anxious, but overall, LSR was a very positive experience. Before last semester, I never knew how LSR worked. I knew pledges left for closed agenda, then actives who were picking up went to the front of the room. Eventually, they left and came back and got their littles. Ultimately, it's a giant chaotic, screaming-filled, exciting event. This semester, however, I was apart of it. I got to scream and run around, and experience what so many others have already experienced. Two years, and now I have Littles to call my own. Now I am a Big.
Monday's clue was a letter were originally wrote during a big sibling workshop. Since I had two littles, I had a few options, but what I did was took my original letter and re-wrote it so that I could have two letters. I decided to switch every other line in order to be fair. Luckily, both letters still made sense.
Had a paper due, so all morning/afternoon I worked on it before it was due.
HOLY CRAP, I GOT MY FROSH ORIENTATION CALL. I MADE IT TO THE NEXT ROUND which is a panel interview.
Tuesday had two group meetings & committee, a big assignment, and practicum!
PING PONG WAS GREAT. I won my bracket's tournament. FIRST PLACE. Second was my default warm up partner! Hehehe. And we had a really good game! Cause we played each other and I thought it would be a simple game, but he was pulling out all these tricks, so I got super competitive. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. He knows it's his fault too, sucker.
Tuesday's clue was a binder cover and a crossword puzzle. Both binder covers were personalized for the individual little, but there were a few things in common- circle stickers as balloons & a red volleyball. The crossword puzzles, however, were completely different. One was full of riddles because Little liked riddles, and the other was random vague clues about myself saying things like I have a Northface backpack & I wear contacts and glasses.
Went to Target to shop for the Clean Kit & various other items to give my little son BSR, super rushed trip! Adult Social Club! Was placed with the low functioning adults, and definitely wasn't what I expected. I didn't expect to see so many aids and I was unsure with how to communicate with them. Also, the room was small and there wasn't space for volunteers and practicum students to sit next to participants. Essentially, I did more volunteer stuff. I prepared and cleaned paint trays, served snack, stuff like that.
Went to Panda after to steal some hot sauce & soy say for Little, then another quick Target run to buy Big in a box clues! Strategically plotted and bought different things for each little. I filled boy things in one & girl things in the other, but I gave both of them different types of chap stick to find me. Also decorated the outside completely different, and got help writing stuff to hide my handwriting.
Wednesday: Big in a box clue! I was freaking out because I had no idea what to put in my box.
Group meeting. Clothes Closet volunteering went well. I saw this brand new cute dress, which might possibly become mine if one of the participants doesn't want it. It's very simple and cute :) Had a bunch of laughs with the participants :)
Stopped my the tables to check some of the littles' binders, hehe. RUBIK'S CUBE. I have been reignited. AHHHHH, I feel a cuber phase coming back.. Just hearing me talk about it is like... AHHH. My fastest time was... 28.6, I believe. I wanna get back into shape! And I shall teach my Omega too, kekeke. I have a cool Omega :)
Snack shopping with my love :) Dollar Tree & Walmart! Then paddle shopping! (My wallet honestly hurts..) Watched Netflix then went to Sweet Tomatoes, nommy.
Came home and painted all the paddle stuff :) Hehehe, baby paddles and C's for my Littles :)
Worked on their snack bags :) I strategically gave one all the drinks and one all the food. Both of them said "Hi Little, Are you hungry? Better go find food" & "Hi Little, Are you thirsty? Better go find a drink" which lead them to each other :)
Thursday: Ping Pong class was alright. Beat my warm up partner 2/3, ahahaha. But I had a really off day and missed all my smashes. I really do like ping pong. I hope I can take intermediate next semester!
The Entertainer volunteering went well. Got to do some office work, and counted hecka candy for their Halloween party. Met some new participants.
Practicum. Teen Social Club was fun! So much more energy. It was a completely different environment, and I loved it! It was so cool because some of the participants I thought didn't really like me because they were nonverbal and didn't want to talk to me, but by the end of the night, they were talked to me a little! It was just super cool to see the difference one day can make in someone's life. Not even a day, just five hours!
Littles got their snack backs and they pretty much figured out they were twins, keke :) they got their families too! :)
Went over to Kevin's to assembly Clean kits and do some final prep for my Littles
Friday: Service! Lame service. I felt like I didn't get anything done. I hate those services :( It's like, I wanna help people, and I arrive and come ready to help, but then we just sit there. Waste of fours hours.
Practicum: Social Lites! Not gonna lie, this was a legit day. Super tiring, but I loved it! It's high functioning adults. We played all these games! It was an overall great night, and all the individuals were really cool!
Saturday: Practicum: Children's Rec! OMG I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME, definitely worth waking up early on a Saturday. Those kids are super cute. Although I had fun and connected with a few kids, it was still really challenging. It's weird though, cause I mean you can plan for everything, but with with special children, it's all up in the air and they don't necessarily do unorganized activities.
RAN AROUND SHOPPING FOR LAST MINUTE BSR STUFF/Spray painted/all that fun stuff.
BSR BSR BSR BSR BSR. Ahhh, I was super scared that my littles wouldn't like me or something, but I think they're both really excited :) I'm nervous, but super excited for them. And I'm so happy to have they both already :) My Littles, both kids at heart. Super kids, kekekeke I'm most definitely a baby big, but that's fine with me
Fam dinner with lots of food. SO MUCH FOOD. Didn't drink much, just a few beers. Played BP with my new NEPHEW. Because now I have one! We won against my littles! KEKEKE :P Winning shot? Off one of my littles hands, kekekekeke. REDEMPTION. Lost the second game though. And rage cage ending was super funny :) Loser bounced it into the last cup :P I love my family :)
After party. Gin & juice. Was super tired, so sat in a corner were hecka people decided to spill their guts to me. Pretty interesting night. Heard some rumor about me (Not negative, just incorrect). Went home and knocked out, and before I knew it, a week went by!
BSR out of the way. The next thing to worry about? Frosh Orientation interview. Monday.
Last Saturday was HOMECOMING GAME, meaning tail gate :) Honestly, parties really aren't much of my thing. I think they're pretty awkward and I never know what to do because everyone just stands around drinking or playing drinking games. Not my scene, however, I do go to a tail gate and a few special events. And at times, they're fun, but a majority of the time, I just feel awkward. Homecoming tail gate was alright. I feel like two years ago when other people planned them, they were WAY CRAZIER, but times changed. Thinking back, maybe I thought they were crazier because I wasn't accustomed to parties. I'm still not. I'm not much of a drinker. Anyways, it was alright. Had some jungle juice and beers, that's about it. After went back to my place with Andrew and Kevin and chilled. Drank a bottle of white peach whatever-it-was-called. Ate some Mac & Cheese. Andrew left, and Kevin and got to watch Netflix :) And went to In-n-Out because we were starving. That reminds me, the Friday before Andrew and I had Frosh Orientation Workshop. Basically a group interview-type thing where they see how you work in teams and problem solve. After Andrew came over and we ate ramen. SO MUCH RAMEN. Went to Valley Fair with the neighbors & Andrew, then had a casual drinking night with fondue, nommy.And Michael Fung came too! Ahahaha. We didn't even really drink though. What up with that.
Last Sunday was LSR :) As I received an index card stating that "Both of your littles...." My heart stopped. I reread it. My brain didn't work. Both of my littles... THIS MEANT I HAD TWINS. But I didn't request twins. I was really freaked out, unsure of myself, pretty uneasy, extreme anxious, but overall, LSR was a very positive experience. Before last semester, I never knew how LSR worked. I knew pledges left for closed agenda, then actives who were picking up went to the front of the room. Eventually, they left and came back and got their littles. Ultimately, it's a giant chaotic, screaming-filled, exciting event. This semester, however, I was apart of it. I got to scream and run around, and experience what so many others have already experienced. Two years, and now I have Littles to call my own. Now I am a Big.
Monday's clue was a letter were originally wrote during a big sibling workshop. Since I had two littles, I had a few options, but what I did was took my original letter and re-wrote it so that I could have two letters. I decided to switch every other line in order to be fair. Luckily, both letters still made sense.
Had a paper due, so all morning/afternoon I worked on it before it was due.
HOLY CRAP, I GOT MY FROSH ORIENTATION CALL. I MADE IT TO THE NEXT ROUND which is a panel interview.
Tuesday had two group meetings & committee, a big assignment, and practicum!
PING PONG WAS GREAT. I won my bracket's tournament. FIRST PLACE. Second was my default warm up partner! Hehehe. And we had a really good game! Cause we played each other and I thought it would be a simple game, but he was pulling out all these tricks, so I got super competitive. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. He knows it's his fault too, sucker.
Tuesday's clue was a binder cover and a crossword puzzle. Both binder covers were personalized for the individual little, but there were a few things in common- circle stickers as balloons & a red volleyball. The crossword puzzles, however, were completely different. One was full of riddles because Little liked riddles, and the other was random vague clues about myself saying things like I have a Northface backpack & I wear contacts and glasses.
Went to Target to shop for the Clean Kit & various other items to give my little son BSR, super rushed trip! Adult Social Club! Was placed with the low functioning adults, and definitely wasn't what I expected. I didn't expect to see so many aids and I was unsure with how to communicate with them. Also, the room was small and there wasn't space for volunteers and practicum students to sit next to participants. Essentially, I did more volunteer stuff. I prepared and cleaned paint trays, served snack, stuff like that.
Went to Panda after to steal some hot sauce & soy say for Little, then another quick Target run to buy Big in a box clues! Strategically plotted and bought different things for each little. I filled boy things in one & girl things in the other, but I gave both of them different types of chap stick to find me. Also decorated the outside completely different, and got help writing stuff to hide my handwriting.
Wednesday: Big in a box clue! I was freaking out because I had no idea what to put in my box.
Group meeting. Clothes Closet volunteering went well. I saw this brand new cute dress, which might possibly become mine if one of the participants doesn't want it. It's very simple and cute :) Had a bunch of laughs with the participants :)
Stopped my the tables to check some of the littles' binders, hehe. RUBIK'S CUBE. I have been reignited. AHHHHH, I feel a cuber phase coming back.. Just hearing me talk about it is like... AHHH. My fastest time was... 28.6, I believe. I wanna get back into shape! And I shall teach my Omega too, kekeke. I have a cool Omega :)
Snack shopping with my love :) Dollar Tree & Walmart! Then paddle shopping! (My wallet honestly hurts..) Watched Netflix then went to Sweet Tomatoes, nommy.
Came home and painted all the paddle stuff :) Hehehe, baby paddles and C's for my Littles :)
Worked on their snack bags :) I strategically gave one all the drinks and one all the food. Both of them said "Hi Little, Are you hungry? Better go find food" & "Hi Little, Are you thirsty? Better go find a drink" which lead them to each other :)
Thursday: Ping Pong class was alright. Beat my warm up partner 2/3, ahahaha. But I had a really off day and missed all my smashes. I really do like ping pong. I hope I can take intermediate next semester!
The Entertainer volunteering went well. Got to do some office work, and counted hecka candy for their Halloween party. Met some new participants.
Practicum. Teen Social Club was fun! So much more energy. It was a completely different environment, and I loved it! It was so cool because some of the participants I thought didn't really like me because they were nonverbal and didn't want to talk to me, but by the end of the night, they were talked to me a little! It was just super cool to see the difference one day can make in someone's life. Not even a day, just five hours!
Littles got their snack backs and they pretty much figured out they were twins, keke :) they got their families too! :)
Went over to Kevin's to assembly Clean kits and do some final prep for my Littles
Friday: Service! Lame service. I felt like I didn't get anything done. I hate those services :( It's like, I wanna help people, and I arrive and come ready to help, but then we just sit there. Waste of fours hours.
Practicum: Social Lites! Not gonna lie, this was a legit day. Super tiring, but I loved it! It's high functioning adults. We played all these games! It was an overall great night, and all the individuals were really cool!
Saturday: Practicum: Children's Rec! OMG I HAD SUCH A GREAT TIME, definitely worth waking up early on a Saturday. Those kids are super cute. Although I had fun and connected with a few kids, it was still really challenging. It's weird though, cause I mean you can plan for everything, but with with special children, it's all up in the air and they don't necessarily do unorganized activities.
RAN AROUND SHOPPING FOR LAST MINUTE BSR STUFF/Spray painted/all that fun stuff.
BSR BSR BSR BSR BSR. Ahhh, I was super scared that my littles wouldn't like me or something, but I think they're both really excited :) I'm nervous, but super excited for them. And I'm so happy to have they both already :) My Littles, both kids at heart. Super kids, kekekeke I'm most definitely a baby big, but that's fine with me
Fam dinner with lots of food. SO MUCH FOOD. Didn't drink much, just a few beers. Played BP with my new NEPHEW. Because now I have one! We won against my littles! KEKEKE :P Winning shot? Off one of my littles hands, kekekekeke. REDEMPTION. Lost the second game though. And rage cage ending was super funny :) Loser bounced it into the last cup :P I love my family :)
After party. Gin & juice. Was super tired, so sat in a corner were hecka people decided to spill their guts to me. Pretty interesting night. Heard some rumor about me (Not negative, just incorrect). Went home and knocked out, and before I knew it, a week went by!
BSR out of the way. The next thing to worry about? Frosh Orientation interview. Monday.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Stopped working at the preschool. Just letting you lovely readers know. Too much to handle, and didn't work with my schedule. In the end, wasn't worth it to work there.
Big sibling application, check. Big sibling workshop, check. To do: Big sibling application part 2, point track sheet.
That's what Brotherhood is though, isn't it? Opening up to individuals, sharing and telling stories. Understanding why it is that they are they way. Good talk though. F'real. Weird, when I think about it. I don't believe I've ever really spilled my guts out before. 'Cause I think that's the most I've spilt at one time. I'm glad it's mutual though. I got you, bro. I just hope it's mutual. I think it is though, I think it is. Small world.I'm curious how long our talk would have went if we didn't have anywhere to go/anything to do.
Taking the plunge. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be freaking out so much. I wouldn't be worrying. I want this so badly. I haven't taken a step outside my comfort zone in a while. I need to stand on my own two feet. I need to accomplish something for myself. I need to do this for me, it's what I've always wanted.
Swimming session is over already. I can't believe it :( The first day really wasn't what I expected. I realize how much attention special kids truly need. Learned to be more assertive, don't worry about hurting them, hand-over-hand, communicating, disciplining, isolating, thinking on your feet, encouragement. I hope my Giggle Monster comes back for the November session :)
Mental health is interesting. Still getting used to it. They definitely make me smile and laugh though, and although I'm not used to the atmosphere, everyone is really friendly and welcoming. I wish all humans were like that.
These bruises (on my arms)
one day they will
fade. No longer
Black blue purple yellow
Hidden underneath
tone so simple
invisible, yet there
always there
always felt.
Aware, acknowledged.
Ignored.
Permanent.
If you're wondering, nothing is wrong. Just go about your day as usual :)
Active retreat this weekend. Planning mode time.
Big sibling application, check. Big sibling workshop, check. To do: Big sibling application part 2, point track sheet.
That's what Brotherhood is though, isn't it? Opening up to individuals, sharing and telling stories. Understanding why it is that they are they way. Good talk though. F'real. Weird, when I think about it. I don't believe I've ever really spilled my guts out before. 'Cause I think that's the most I've spilt at one time. I'm glad it's mutual though. I got you, bro. I just hope it's mutual. I think it is though, I think it is. Small world.I'm curious how long our talk would have went if we didn't have anywhere to go/anything to do.
Taking the plunge. If I didn't care, I wouldn't be freaking out so much. I wouldn't be worrying. I want this so badly. I haven't taken a step outside my comfort zone in a while. I need to stand on my own two feet. I need to accomplish something for myself. I need to do this for me, it's what I've always wanted.
Swimming session is over already. I can't believe it :( The first day really wasn't what I expected. I realize how much attention special kids truly need. Learned to be more assertive, don't worry about hurting them, hand-over-hand, communicating, disciplining, isolating, thinking on your feet, encouragement. I hope my Giggle Monster comes back for the November session :)
Mental health is interesting. Still getting used to it. They definitely make me smile and laugh though, and although I'm not used to the atmosphere, everyone is really friendly and welcoming. I wish all humans were like that.
These bruises (on my arms)
one day they will
fade. No longer
Black blue purple yellow
Hidden underneath
tone so simple
invisible, yet there
always there
always felt.
Aware, acknowledged.
Ignored.
Permanent.
If you're wondering, nothing is wrong. Just go about your day as usual :)
Active retreat this weekend. Planning mode time.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I wish the shower worked so I could take a nice long hot shower. I wish I didn't cry. I wish I didn't care so much. I wish I knew when to stop. I wish I knew how to react. I wish I knew how to lower expectations and standards. I wish I had a more realistic view on life.
I get excited over everything, meaning I also get let down about everything.
I'm not ready for this, but I know if I don't, I'll regret it, but is this the right attitude I should have?
You're a fourth year. Suck it up and be a grown up. Stop being so f/cking immature and childish. You're so f/cking bitter, jealous, and stubborn. You care way too much and you analyze stupid stuff.
For once, I'm the only one home at 10PM on a weeknight, which is kind of nice, but not at this state. I honestly wish I wasn't alone so my thoughts wouldn't eat me alive.
I told you once, and I'll tell you again- when I get like this, I just need you to hold me, even for a few minutes. In your arms, I feel invincible.
Who's to say I'll ever be able to be PT/PE. Who's to say I'll be a good big. Who's to say anything about this organization. Who's to say I'm ready. If anything, it's pointless. I shouldn't care. It's just an extracurricular activity which doesn't matter in the real world. But to me, it's just so much more. I honestly don't feel like I have a passion in my life-life, but Alpha Phi Omega different. This organization makes me strive to be better, to do more. I care so much because I'm so passionate about it. I just hate that this passion is temporary. I doesn't count, and people honestly don't care about it. It's sad to have finally discovered my passion... yet know that this is temporary.
I get excited over everything, meaning I also get let down about everything.
I'm not ready for this, but I know if I don't, I'll regret it, but is this the right attitude I should have?
You're a fourth year. Suck it up and be a grown up. Stop being so f/cking immature and childish. You're so f/cking bitter, jealous, and stubborn. You care way too much and you analyze stupid stuff.
For once, I'm the only one home at 10PM on a weeknight, which is kind of nice, but not at this state. I honestly wish I wasn't alone so my thoughts wouldn't eat me alive.
I told you once, and I'll tell you again- when I get like this, I just need you to hold me, even for a few minutes. In your arms, I feel invincible.
Who's to say I'll ever be able to be PT/PE. Who's to say I'll be a good big. Who's to say anything about this organization. Who's to say I'm ready. If anything, it's pointless. I shouldn't care. It's just an extracurricular activity which doesn't matter in the real world. But to me, it's just so much more. I honestly don't feel like I have a passion in my life-life, but Alpha Phi Omega different. This organization makes me strive to be better, to do more. I care so much because I'm so passionate about it. I just hate that this passion is temporary. I doesn't count, and people honestly don't care about it. It's sad to have finally discovered my passion... yet know that this is temporary.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Maybe I am a little more passionate about Alpha Phi Omega than I thought, but honestly, it saddens know knowing how much the chapter has changed. Yes, I've heard it goes through changes... but honestly, I'm a little heart-broken. I'm the one aspiring to be so many things, yet I'm extremely disappointed in the chapter. Who would have thought it'd get so low.
I wish I knew how poorly educated this last pledge class was when I was a part of it.
I have so much faith in this semester's pledge program, please oh please don't let me down.
All I want to do is sleep.I feel light-heading, I feel like I'm typing with my eyes closed. I'm tired of 7AM days, please end soon.
It's hard to be enthusiastic with all these events, knowing that it's not the best I could do. There's so much room to improve. I'm honestly really drained right now, and there's still a week left, four more events.
I'm off, I'm lagging, I'm not doing too great. It shouldn't be this difficult. I don't understand how and why this is so hard. I honestly don't know why, it shouldn't be.
So much to do this semester. Work, 150 hours+ of volunteering for class, active requirements, picking up.. I honestly didn't realize how much I had on my plate until last night. I'm scared I won't make it.
I wish I knew how poorly educated this last pledge class was when I was a part of it.
I have so much faith in this semester's pledge program, please oh please don't let me down.
All I want to do is sleep.I feel light-heading, I feel like I'm typing with my eyes closed. I'm tired of 7AM days, please end soon.
It's hard to be enthusiastic with all these events, knowing that it's not the best I could do. There's so much room to improve. I'm honestly really drained right now, and there's still a week left, four more events.
I'm off, I'm lagging, I'm not doing too great. It shouldn't be this difficult. I don't understand how and why this is so hard. I honestly don't know why, it shouldn't be.
So much to do this semester. Work, 150 hours+ of volunteering for class, active requirements, picking up.. I honestly didn't realize how much I had on my plate until last night. I'm scared I won't make it.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Third weigh in: -2 pounds
Fourth weigh in: -2 pounds
FINAL: -11.5 pounds
I won, got $70 richer, and met my first goal of 10 pounds! Now I'm debating on keeping the weight off. I guess I will, but my diet probably won't be as strict as it was this summer (Not that it was very strict). Yesterday I had boba for the first time this summer (Not counting the pink Socal boba/tiny amount of small boba from Teaway), and I think I grew an appreciation for Eggettes. For some reason, it was delicious, really good tapioca consistency. Then again, it could be because I haven't had real boba in forever. Got a milk tea rather than a flavored tea! Excited for that, and I got coconut Eggettes which were slightly disappointing ONLY because I wanted it to be like the Vietnamese pandan one, but it wasn't green. Despite that, it was insanely delicious, and I ate pretty much all of it. AND I ate my whole dinner portion, which I felt kind of guilty for doing, but I felt more satisfied (Although the food wasn't anything to write home about)
Fourth weigh in: -2 pounds
FINAL: -11.5 pounds
I won, got $70 richer, and met my first goal of 10 pounds! Now I'm debating on keeping the weight off. I guess I will, but my diet probably won't be as strict as it was this summer (Not that it was very strict). Yesterday I had boba for the first time this summer (Not counting the pink Socal boba/tiny amount of small boba from Teaway), and I think I grew an appreciation for Eggettes. For some reason, it was delicious, really good tapioca consistency. Then again, it could be because I haven't had real boba in forever. Got a milk tea rather than a flavored tea! Excited for that, and I got coconut Eggettes which were slightly disappointing ONLY because I wanted it to be like the Vietnamese pandan one, but it wasn't green. Despite that, it was insanely delicious, and I ate pretty much all of it. AND I ate my whole dinner portion, which I felt kind of guilty for doing, but I felt more satisfied (Although the food wasn't anything to write home about)
Sunday, August 5, 2012
I'm telling myself I can't do this before I try. Here's the facts: Next weigh in is on Monday, August 13th. I'm going on vacation on the 12th. That means my next weigh in is on Saturday, August 11th.Six days. Why didn't I think of this before I bought that bag of chips.. Dang it, chips are my weakness. Sure, if I'm craving sweets, I can easily grab low calorie fruit snacks or chocolate, but chips? Nothing takes away a chip craving like eating a big helping of horrible-for-you-yet-oh-so-tasty chips. Why why why is my house constantly filled with chips. Why oh why do we eat chips during school sales and at the store. I have no self control. Dang it, goodbye Biggest Loser.
Right when I'm about to go to Raging Waters, I'm starting to not like myself in the mirror, yet again. Sigh. Time to go for a run after dinner, for real this time.
Right when I'm about to go to Raging Waters, I'm starting to not like myself in the mirror, yet again. Sigh. Time to go for a run after dinner, for real this time.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Monday, July 23, 2012
I was off to a good start, but honestly I can't keep it up. I'm sick of eating the same food. I want to go out and try new restaurants. I'm tired of small portions, and my eating schedule is all kinds of messed up. Tomorrow shall be my last "bad" day. Tomorrow is fair day :) I'm super excited
Bought three salads from Costco, let's go. Time to start waking up early before volunteering to exercise.
Stop caring. Just do you.
Honestly, who cares about Biggest Loser (okay I do)? Keep going, be healthy. Let this be the beginning of a healthy lifestyle.
Bought three salads from Costco, let's go. Time to start waking up early before volunteering to exercise.
Stop caring. Just do you.
Honestly, who cares about Biggest Loser (okay I do)? Keep going, be healthy. Let this be the beginning of a healthy lifestyle.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
So I went to Sweet Tomatoes for the second time in my life, and the food was reasonable considering that the food was "healthy". I struggle with portion size though,
buffet or not. Although I didn't do that much damage. That chocolate brownie muffin was amazing, and now I just
want another one :( Oh muffin of 170 calories, I want you so badly :(
Been trying to find a copy cat recipe online, but haven't found much of anything. Researching muffin recipes. Maybe I can make muffins and freeze them, then eat them for breakfast.. Maybe I can make a honey oat one like The Cheesecake Factory! Oh Cheesecake Factory, the classy chain restaurant, how I love your brown bread.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
First official weigh in and.. I'm down 8 pounds. Bitter sweet news because now I think I'm seen as a threat and now I'm unable to recruit other people as well. Honestly, I don't know if I can keep this up. Because eventually, I'll hit a wall. So technically, the goal of 10 pounds is really reachable, but honestly, I want 20.. which is obtainable, considering that I'm just cutting down my portions, eating healthier, and more frequently. 4 weeks, 12 pounds. I can do it. Even if I get that low, will I be satisfied?
Then again.. it's just a number. And health isn't measure by the number on the scale. I'm no where near healthy.
Then again.. it's just a number. And health isn't measure by the number on the scale. I'm no where near healthy.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Monday, July 9, 2012
Vacation; not as much damage as I thought.
Yesterday; slightly depressing/comparison.
Today: Lame.
WHY DIDN'T I WEIGH IN AT WORK ON SATURDAY.
Now it looks like I didn't lose much/anything. Dang it. New start, here we go.
Rules for myself:
Eating out:
Do not eat full portion (Unless it's a salad) & eat leftovers as another meal
Smarter choices: grilled, veggies
Tapioca: flavored teas only, no tapioca/add ins, regular/smallest size (Max, once a week)
Breakfast:
EAT IT
Fruit, Oatmeal
Lunch:
Salad.
Half a sandwich
Beverages:
No soda
Limited juice (once a week)
WATER WATER WATER
Dinner:
One scoop of rice (If any)
1/4 plate meat
1/2 veggies
Snacks:
Eat no more than one serving: MODERATION
Fruits are a plus
Greek yogurt
Almonds
Fruit smoothies (Spinach)
Exercise:
EVERYDAY
1.0: 3 days
2.0 2 days
Jog 2 days
Lay day: JUST WALK
To do:
Buy portioned out containers
Park further away from destination
Learn to play tennis
Bike with Father (Suggest it)
Eat every three hours: 9, 12, 3, 6, 9 (No eating past 9)
Health journal
Yesterday; slightly depressing/comparison.
Today: Lame.
WHY DIDN'T I WEIGH IN AT WORK ON SATURDAY.
Now it looks like I didn't lose much/anything. Dang it. New start, here we go.
Rules for myself:
Eating out:
Do not eat full portion (Unless it's a salad) & eat leftovers as another meal
Smarter choices: grilled, veggies
Tapioca: flavored teas only, no tapioca/add ins, regular/smallest size (Max, once a week)
Breakfast:
EAT IT
Fruit, Oatmeal
Lunch:
Salad.
Half a sandwich
Beverages:
No soda
Limited juice (once a week)
WATER WATER WATER
Dinner:
One scoop of rice (If any)
1/4 plate meat
1/2 veggies
Snacks:
Eat no more than one serving: MODERATION
Fruits are a plus
Greek yogurt
Almonds
Fruit smoothies (Spinach)
Exercise:
EVERYDAY
1.0: 3 days
2.0 2 days
Jog 2 days
Lay day: JUST WALK
To do:
Buy portioned out containers
Park further away from destination
Learn to play tennis
Bike with Father (Suggest it)
Eat every three hours: 9, 12, 3, 6, 9 (No eating past 9)
Health journal
Friday, May 18, 2012
Thursday, May 3, 2012
My vision is blurred, my emotions keeps changing, my stomach and head aches. I don't think I can do this anymore. Hold me.
2:18, homework assignment and a huge paper to do still. Haven't completed anything tonight. Too busy worrying about everything else. Too busy being extremely clingy. Too busy being exhausted. Too busy not being able to focus.
My name is on it, I can't fail.
2:18, homework assignment and a huge paper to do still. Haven't completed anything tonight. Too busy worrying about everything else. Too busy being extremely clingy. Too busy being exhausted. Too busy not being able to focus.
My name is on it, I can't fail.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Today: Test.
Wednesday: SWOT Analysis, Volleyball paper.
Thursday: White Paper.
Friday: Senior Night.
One day at a time, I guess. 'Gotta start focusing. The semester is almost over this is getting serious. Too bad all my motivation is gone :( I'm not even excited for event planning anymore.. Dang it, what did I get myself into. I'm more worried about decorations and the event going smoothly than my school work. Not to mention AACF Banquet is next weekend, and I haven't even started figuring out food or decorations. Papers on papers on presentation next week too :(
It's going to be a long night tonight :( I wasn't able to wake up on time today, sad face. The current plan is... go to class, then hit library for my test, make a shopping list, then go shopping, be back by 6-ish. Hit the library 'til it's time to go shopping with everyone else, then library again. I guess I'll get some Philz or coffee some time at night. Crunch time :( Dang it, I never factor eating into my schedule.. I've been eating like crap this semester.
Should be getting my paycheck this week! 'Gonna stick it into savings for my camera
Time to shower and get today over and done with. At least I'm busy. I like being busy.
Wednesday: SWOT Analysis, Volleyball paper.
Thursday: White Paper.
Friday: Senior Night.
One day at a time, I guess. 'Gotta start focusing. The semester is almost over this is getting serious. Too bad all my motivation is gone :( I'm not even excited for event planning anymore.. Dang it, what did I get myself into. I'm more worried about decorations and the event going smoothly than my school work. Not to mention AACF Banquet is next weekend, and I haven't even started figuring out food or decorations. Papers on papers on presentation next week too :(
It's going to be a long night tonight :( I wasn't able to wake up on time today, sad face. The current plan is... go to class, then hit library for my test, make a shopping list, then go shopping, be back by 6-ish. Hit the library 'til it's time to go shopping with everyone else, then library again. I guess I'll get some Philz or coffee some time at night. Crunch time :( Dang it, I never factor eating into my schedule.. I've been eating like crap this semester.
Should be getting my paycheck this week! 'Gonna stick it into savings for my camera
Time to shower and get today over and done with. At least I'm busy. I like being busy.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
4/20
Watched Jomar's show. I really do have this thing where I want to be recognized for things I do.. I should probably work on that.. Canceled plans for the special meeting. Went to special meeting, then activation. Pretty lame day. Was butt tired from staying up late to grade those finals from the night before. I'm excited & honored I was able to do part of the binders even though they said PA's wouldn't touch the binders. Heheheh :)
---
4/21
I guess there's a new layout to Blogspot.. pretty weird if you ask me. Milk tea milk tea milk tea.. too much, now I'm wide awake. Who's idea was it to go to Verde? Ahh, next time I don't fall into peer pressure. No big milk tea for me. I can't handle it.
Note to self: Be careful who you believe because they may not believe it themselves. They might just be planting ideas in your head.
For sure no EXCOMM for me, but I am heavily considering having a little. Still editing my college life plan soon, but I'm fairly thrilled about all of it.
Politics, politics, politics. Sometimes APhiO can really suck, but in the end, the Chapter does what the Chapter wants. I wish I was able to say something... but it's hard when I'm so biased. This is the first time I've abstained in my life. I can't say I'm completely happy, but I'm not super duper pissed. I guess I'm just upset at the Chapter for... doing what the Chapter does.
----
4/22
Nominations today. Got nominated for Treasurer, Leadership, Friendship, Service, PR, Secretary, and Membership. I think the Chapter has a little too much confidence in me. Way more than I have in myself. It's funny 'cause I always get nominated every semester, but this semester it was for like.. everything. A lot of times people keep telling me that I have a lot of potential, and it's such a waste that I'm not on EXCOMM. I guess they're right, but then again, who's to say I'm ready for it? I think I rather just stick to my college plan that I'm still planning out. I'll do it when I have more time, but I am really considering picking up this semester :) I hope I like PT/PE though..
----
4/23
A SEED HAS BEEN PLANTED IN MY BRAIN. I wanna go PT/PE eventually, but Andrew convinced me that I should have a little before I do it 'cause how am I supposed to mentor a whole bunch of people if I have no experience mentoring one person, but today Brian was saying how not having a little would be beneficial. People keep telling me to run for everything, and they keep asking me to be my Co, I'm not sure if people really want me to, or they actually see me in positions.
So even though I'm miserable writing another paper, I rather be miserable than extremely bored. These past few weeks, I've been rather bored with my life. It's weird, but I'm happy to have assignments and have APO become busy all over again. What would I do without my college life :)
Issue Brief, SWOT Analysis draft, Multi-cultural potluck this week. Awards for the pledges. I'm excited and APO Banquet this week :)
Gotta start working on AACF Banquet, especially the food. And Senior Night!
I guess this semester I'm unintentionally taking steps towards event planning, hehe. I kind of sort of really want to do programing board for AS next semester :) And technically speaking, it's volunteering, so no commitment. Depending if I like it or not, I'll go for programming director. If I don't like it, then I'll probably go for EXCOMM.
I can't believe my twin is going to do EXCOMM before me :( I don't mean to be jealous, but I'm not going to lie.. I kind of am. Yes, I can do it 'cause I've been nominated, and it's my fault for respectfully declining everything, but.. I've been planning this for a very long time, and he's never considered EXCOMM that seriously before, where as I think of it too seriously. That's just how we are though. He's the chill, carefree one, and I'm the planner. Funny 'cause Brent was just saying how I'm the only little who has gone for leadership positions. Looks like my twin is about to do it, and I know he's going to win. I should be proud, I am proud, I guess. I have a lot of confidence that he'll do fine, but man.. I always thought it'd be on EXCOMM and he'd be the support. Now the roles have switched. That's how it usually is.
Been considering getting my DSLR at the beginning of summer so I can practice all summer. Might be a reality if twin gets historian. Plus I can help Mel out with OOTD pictures if she wants to do it. I really want to go shopping this summer and buy clothes that I actually like to wear. I'm really tired of solid colored v-necks.
Watched Jomar's show. I really do have this thing where I want to be recognized for things I do.. I should probably work on that.. Canceled plans for the special meeting. Went to special meeting, then activation. Pretty lame day. Was butt tired from staying up late to grade those finals from the night before. I'm excited & honored I was able to do part of the binders even though they said PA's wouldn't touch the binders. Heheheh :)
---
4/21
I guess there's a new layout to Blogspot.. pretty weird if you ask me. Milk tea milk tea milk tea.. too much, now I'm wide awake. Who's idea was it to go to Verde? Ahh, next time I don't fall into peer pressure. No big milk tea for me. I can't handle it.
Note to self: Be careful who you believe because they may not believe it themselves. They might just be planting ideas in your head.
For sure no EXCOMM for me, but I am heavily considering having a little. Still editing my college life plan soon, but I'm fairly thrilled about all of it.
Politics, politics, politics. Sometimes APhiO can really suck, but in the end, the Chapter does what the Chapter wants. I wish I was able to say something... but it's hard when I'm so biased. This is the first time I've abstained in my life. I can't say I'm completely happy, but I'm not super duper pissed. I guess I'm just upset at the Chapter for... doing what the Chapter does.
----
4/22
Nominations today. Got nominated for Treasurer, Leadership, Friendship, Service, PR, Secretary, and Membership. I think the Chapter has a little too much confidence in me. Way more than I have in myself. It's funny 'cause I always get nominated every semester, but this semester it was for like.. everything. A lot of times people keep telling me that I have a lot of potential, and it's such a waste that I'm not on EXCOMM. I guess they're right, but then again, who's to say I'm ready for it? I think I rather just stick to my college plan that I'm still planning out. I'll do it when I have more time, but I am really considering picking up this semester :) I hope I like PT/PE though..
----
4/23
A SEED HAS BEEN PLANTED IN MY BRAIN. I wanna go PT/PE eventually, but Andrew convinced me that I should have a little before I do it 'cause how am I supposed to mentor a whole bunch of people if I have no experience mentoring one person, but today Brian was saying how not having a little would be beneficial. People keep telling me to run for everything, and they keep asking me to be my Co, I'm not sure if people really want me to, or they actually see me in positions.
So even though I'm miserable writing another paper, I rather be miserable than extremely bored. These past few weeks, I've been rather bored with my life. It's weird, but I'm happy to have assignments and have APO become busy all over again. What would I do without my college life :)
Issue Brief, SWOT Analysis draft, Multi-cultural potluck this week. Awards for the pledges. I'm excited and APO Banquet this week :)
Gotta start working on AACF Banquet, especially the food. And Senior Night!
I guess this semester I'm unintentionally taking steps towards event planning, hehe. I kind of sort of really want to do programing board for AS next semester :) And technically speaking, it's volunteering, so no commitment. Depending if I like it or not, I'll go for programming director. If I don't like it, then I'll probably go for EXCOMM.
I can't believe my twin is going to do EXCOMM before me :( I don't mean to be jealous, but I'm not going to lie.. I kind of am. Yes, I can do it 'cause I've been nominated, and it's my fault for respectfully declining everything, but.. I've been planning this for a very long time, and he's never considered EXCOMM that seriously before, where as I think of it too seriously. That's just how we are though. He's the chill, carefree one, and I'm the planner. Funny 'cause Brent was just saying how I'm the only little who has gone for leadership positions. Looks like my twin is about to do it, and I know he's going to win. I should be proud, I am proud, I guess. I have a lot of confidence that he'll do fine, but man.. I always thought it'd be on EXCOMM and he'd be the support. Now the roles have switched. That's how it usually is.
Been considering getting my DSLR at the beginning of summer so I can practice all summer. Might be a reality if twin gets historian. Plus I can help Mel out with OOTD pictures if she wants to do it. I really want to go shopping this summer and buy clothes that I actually like to wear. I'm really tired of solid colored v-necks.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I think it's official- life has gotten boring. Even with all the excitement and anxiety I feel for all the littles, life seems to be missing something. School work isn't very challenging, and since I'm not being challenged, I'm unmotivated to try. I keep turning in assignments last minute and not trying. I look at every test like I have other tests to make my grade up, but I really don't. As I flip through my planner with packed weekends and assignments coming up, nothing seems to stress me out. Life is going on, and I'm starting to feel like a zombie just going through actions without heart.
It's going to be two years that I've been in Alpha Phi Omega. Two years. That's half of a typical college experience. How on earth did time go by so fast? Let's be honest, even though I'm not graduating for at least another three years.. will I even be around that much? Will I even want to step up? I want two positions.. but those are the ones people tend their AphiO career in. Dang it, what do I really want to do.
I want to step up, but to be honest, I need to make my decision by Sunday when nominations are being taken. I could just do Rush Chair, since I didn't get the position before. Maybe I'll be ready for it now. Although, maybe I can do something bigger, something better. But EXCOMM seems so scary.. Dang it, I honestly don't know, and I'm constantly thinking about what I want to do.
Then again, am I focusing too much on me? What about others surrounding me? I'm doing that thing where I forget there are people around me again.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
This week I asked the kids if I should go for VP of Membership/get a little
Me: Do you think I should be VP of Membership
Kid 1: On Sundays I go to swimming class
Me & Carole: Ahahahaha
Carole: It must be have some hidden meaning
Me: Well Chapter is on Sundays, I guess it's a sign
Me: Should I be VP of Membership next semester?
Kid 2: ......yes
Me: Yes?
Kid 2: Yes
Carole: Well then, now you have to do it
Me: Should I get a little next semester?
Kid 2: What's a little?
Me: Like a little brother or sister
Kid 2: Yes!
Me: Should I get a boy or a girl. Teacher Carole has a girl
Kid 2: A boy!
Me: Should I get a little brother or sister next semester?
Kid 1: Uh-uh yes
Me: Should I get a brother or sister?
Kid 2: Sister!
Me: Do you think I should be VP of Membership
Kid 1: On Sundays I go to swimming class
Me & Carole: Ahahahaha
Carole: It must be have some hidden meaning
Me: Well Chapter is on Sundays, I guess it's a sign
Me: Should I be VP of Membership next semester?
Kid 2: ......yes
Me: Yes?
Kid 2: Yes
Carole: Well then, now you have to do it
Me: Should I get a little next semester?
Kid 2: What's a little?
Me: Like a little brother or sister
Kid 2: Yes!
Me: Should I get a boy or a girl. Teacher Carole has a girl
Kid 2: A boy!
Me: Should I get a little brother or sister next semester?
Kid 1: Uh-uh yes
Me: Should I get a brother or sister?
Kid 2: Sister!
Monday, April 9, 2012
It's that time of the year, fam scrapbook time! Good & bad. I'm pretty bummed about the specifications this year 'cause it puts a damper on the creativity.
Now's the point in the semester where it's time to evaluate where I'm at and what I want to accomplish next semester. Funny how I have all summer, yet I feel like whatever happens next semester is right around the corner. If anything, I just want to be proud of whatever I do. So here it comes, what position do I want to do next semester. Fam head? Awards Chair, or VP of Membership? But in all honesty, what about picking up?
The original idea was fam head & awards chair... but what happened? All of a sudden, my future goal of VP of Membership seems closer and closer.. and much more realistic. having two semesters of Membership committee under my belt is really helpful. And knowing that Cindy is right there is good as well. I just don't think I'm ready. And finally, I'm in the position where I'm debating on picking up. My original idea was Spring 2013, but now... now I'm kind of super excited to pick up. Dang it, I just want to get something done.
Here's one goal/dream I came up with last semester: Win a Gamma Beta of the month award. Low and behold, I received the March award for Gamma Beta of the month. Crazy, cause I never really thought I'd do it. I'm happy though, I really am. (Even though it's not really aesthetically pleasing)
VP Membership & PT/PE are the top two things I want to achieve in Alpha Phi Omega. Not only are they are hardest positions, but they're the unrecognized positions. They're the ones that put in all the work, and nearly no recognition. They're the hardest jobs in the fraternity.. and I want them. I honestly don't care much for being president since they don't do much of anything.
Eh, I'll think about this when I have time. Time to GSD.
Now's the point in the semester where it's time to evaluate where I'm at and what I want to accomplish next semester. Funny how I have all summer, yet I feel like whatever happens next semester is right around the corner. If anything, I just want to be proud of whatever I do. So here it comes, what position do I want to do next semester. Fam head? Awards Chair, or VP of Membership? But in all honesty, what about picking up?
The original idea was fam head & awards chair... but what happened? All of a sudden, my future goal of VP of Membership seems closer and closer.. and much more realistic. having two semesters of Membership committee under my belt is really helpful. And knowing that Cindy is right there is good as well. I just don't think I'm ready. And finally, I'm in the position where I'm debating on picking up. My original idea was Spring 2013, but now... now I'm kind of super excited to pick up. Dang it, I just want to get something done.
Here's one goal/dream I came up with last semester: Win a Gamma Beta of the month award. Low and behold, I received the March award for Gamma Beta of the month. Crazy, cause I never really thought I'd do it. I'm happy though, I really am. (Even though it's not really aesthetically pleasing)
VP Membership & PT/PE are the top two things I want to achieve in Alpha Phi Omega. Not only are they are hardest positions, but they're the unrecognized positions. They're the ones that put in all the work, and nearly no recognition. They're the hardest jobs in the fraternity.. and I want them. I honestly don't care much for being president since they don't do much of anything.
Eh, I'll think about this when I have time. Time to GSD.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sometimes my mind wanders without my knowing. There's always that temptation.. just click his Facebook. Or go find his Tumblr.. I guess in the end, I've accepted there's no regrets because I wouldn't be the person I am today without with. Could it be that now I'm over being bitter? Took long enough..
Although, am I really over it if I get that pain in my stomach when I see his fraternity's name? I get nervous knowing that I could possibly run into you. I don't want to see you. I hate knowing that there are friends that overlap. I hate knowing that people know that I was with you at all. I guess I don't hate it.. but I wish they didn't know, so they wouldn't judge.
Been a long time since thoughts about him have come up... but they're always late night. Today when I went to 7-11, I had a flashback of a memory of you. The time you had coffee for me waiting when I woke up. It's weird because I can't recall a positive flashback from you.
---
I guess I'm on a APHIO high, but I'm happy. I really like my family, and I like the new littles we got :) Sure, I trolled (OMG, SO BAD), but my Sib got my back. Funny how this was compared to my BSR. I felt so awkward, but I guess now, it's all good because I'm comfortable, and luckily all the littles were good. Oh littles, how I favor all of you. I'm happy with everyone we got, but SHHHH. I'm not supposed to have favorites :)
Sure, I'm still bitter, but hey, I guess it's all good. 'cause even though he has four littles, I'm still one and I'll always be one. Despite how I want to change it. I'm so excited about everything this semester. I'm thinking of even picking up sooner. I just hope that I'll be a good big to my little one day
---
This was supposed to be the semester I'm on top of all my crap, but I don't feel like I've been. I feel like I've failed. He said I'm going good though, but I can't help but by hard on myself. I guess yeah.. the lowest grade I've gotten is a B, but you can't get A's with a B :( Oh wait... I just remembered I got a C on something. Time to kick it into overdrive. This semester isn't over yet.
---
Today was the 18th, yet I had no idea until you reminded me. One of these days, I need to surprise you 'cause you've been super great lately :) I really never thought there'd be anyone this understanding. I love you. I think that even though I hold extremely high expectations for everything, you're there and you make everything alright. & for some reason, my expectations don't seem impossible for you. For some reason, you reach almost all of them. For some reason, forever doesn't seem so scary when you're with me.
Although, am I really over it if I get that pain in my stomach when I see his fraternity's name? I get nervous knowing that I could possibly run into you. I don't want to see you. I hate knowing that there are friends that overlap. I hate knowing that people know that I was with you at all. I guess I don't hate it.. but I wish they didn't know, so they wouldn't judge.
Been a long time since thoughts about him have come up... but they're always late night. Today when I went to 7-11, I had a flashback of a memory of you. The time you had coffee for me waiting when I woke up. It's weird because I can't recall a positive flashback from you.
---
I guess I'm on a APHIO high, but I'm happy. I really like my family, and I like the new littles we got :) Sure, I trolled (OMG, SO BAD), but my Sib got my back. Funny how this was compared to my BSR. I felt so awkward, but I guess now, it's all good because I'm comfortable, and luckily all the littles were good. Oh littles, how I favor all of you. I'm happy with everyone we got, but SHHHH. I'm not supposed to have favorites :)
Sure, I'm still bitter, but hey, I guess it's all good. 'cause even though he has four littles, I'm still one and I'll always be one. Despite how I want to change it. I'm so excited about everything this semester. I'm thinking of even picking up sooner. I just hope that I'll be a good big to my little one day
---
This was supposed to be the semester I'm on top of all my crap, but I don't feel like I've been. I feel like I've failed. He said I'm going good though, but I can't help but by hard on myself. I guess yeah.. the lowest grade I've gotten is a B, but you can't get A's with a B :( Oh wait... I just remembered I got a C on something. Time to kick it into overdrive. This semester isn't over yet.
---
Today was the 18th, yet I had no idea until you reminded me. One of these days, I need to surprise you 'cause you've been super great lately :) I really never thought there'd be anyone this understanding. I love you. I think that even though I hold extremely high expectations for everything, you're there and you make everything alright. & for some reason, my expectations don't seem impossible for you. For some reason, you reach almost all of them. For some reason, forever doesn't seem so scary when you're with me.
Friday, March 9, 2012
There's so much I want to do, but I'm not sure if I'm capable of doing so. One step at a time, focus on this semester rather than the future. Keep moving forward. & keep a notebook full of ideas and goals too. I have too many ideas & no where to put them.
I'm sorry I never learn from my mistakes, but I can't control my emotions. I'm sorry I get clingy when I do so many things. I'll miss you this weekend, more than ever. /clingy
I'm BEYOND excited for pledge retreat though, you have no idea :) & even though things aren't how I imagined it as a PA, all I'm doing is learning more and more things that I'd like to do with my future. I just hope I reach a point where I am capable of doing it. I'm in training, a work in progress.
I wish there was a book called "How to Lower Your Expectations" 'cause I could sure use it.
I'm sorry I never learn from my mistakes, but I can't control my emotions. I'm sorry I get clingy when I do so many things. I'll miss you this weekend, more than ever. /clingy
I'm BEYOND excited for pledge retreat though, you have no idea :) & even though things aren't how I imagined it as a PA, all I'm doing is learning more and more things that I'd like to do with my future. I just hope I reach a point where I am capable of doing it. I'm in training, a work in progress.
I wish there was a book called "How to Lower Your Expectations" 'cause I could sure use it.
Monday, March 5, 2012
This tends to happen & it's always my fault. I'm sorry I can't control my emotions. I'm sorry I can't show my appreciation when I'm breaking down. I'm sorry that I complain that you don't do so-and-so when in reality, I'm the one not listening to you when you do so-and-so. I'm the one taking you for granted. Afterwards, it's always more apparent to me. Technically, this was because of that phone call, but if I had to redo it any other way, I'd want that phone call. It shows me how much you care about me.
I wish I was able to sit still and work. I need you here watching me. I swear, I think I take dependency to a whole new level.
This semester really isn't tough. My classes are interesting and they're not hard, but I'm lacking motivation this semester, for real. I though it would all slip into place once I got my planner. Instead, I'm procrastinating just as much, if not more in all my classes. I'm typing this instead of working on my paper due at 9AM. I BS-ed my group project and we present tomorrow. I have two tests I really didn't know I had this week... and I can't get anything done. This hour cut is better for me. Sure, I'm bummed, but at least I have more time to get organized and be there for the pledges. And sleep, it'd be nice to work during the day and sleep at night. I'd love some sleep right about now. I think I'm getting clingy. Clingy to the point where you're not next to me & you're my study buddy & I can't get anything done now.. man, I was doing so well in the library too. I always start thinking when I have coffee..
This semester really isn't tough. My classes are interesting and they're not hard, but I'm lacking motivation this semester, for real. I though it would all slip into place once I got my planner. Instead, I'm procrastinating just as much, if not more in all my classes. I'm typing this instead of working on my paper due at 9AM. I BS-ed my group project and we present tomorrow. I have two tests I really didn't know I had this week... and I can't get anything done. This hour cut is better for me. Sure, I'm bummed, but at least I have more time to get organized and be there for the pledges. And sleep, it'd be nice to work during the day and sleep at night. I'd love some sleep right about now. I think I'm getting clingy. Clingy to the point where you're not next to me & you're my study buddy & I can't get anything done now.. man, I was doing so well in the library too. I always start thinking when I have coffee..
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Are you serious? You're changing my hours again? I can understand cutting Thursdays from me because I was added on & let's be honest, I'm not really needed there. But Tuesdays? Tuesdays, I was specifically scheduled in there. & I know for a fact you are understaffed on Tuesdays without me. I know that your family has been under a lot of stress lately & many workers have left & there are days without aids. I think that last thing you should be doing is cutting my hours. Yes, I'm a simple teacher's assistant. I'm a college kid. I'm disposable, but it doesn't make sense to keep giving me these hours.
I spent a little over a month just dealing with 3 hours a week. I stayed the rest of the semester getting 7 hours. At the time, you hired me for 10 hours. Thanks for increasing my hours this semester. And thanks for the raise. Thank for adding more hours.... but then you tried to cut me to 9 hours. That's not cool. & I find out that in retrospect, I'm not getting paid as much as your other assistants who haven't even been here for that much longer than me. & You're trying to cut me down to 9 again?
I planned my whole extracurricular life around work. This just isn't good. You think a place with kids would have a little more consistency. I'm just so bothered.. It's not right to be treated like this.. I'm not sure if I even want to stay working here. It's not cool.
I understand that I'm lost at the other site, but that's because everything keeps changing. I feel like you should just move me to my main site on Tuesdays & Thursdays, even Friday mornings if you need the help then too. It's better to have consistency for the kids so they have familiar faces and I'm more comfortable working there.
I just feel really upset that this keeps happening to me.
I spent a little over a month just dealing with 3 hours a week. I stayed the rest of the semester getting 7 hours. At the time, you hired me for 10 hours. Thanks for increasing my hours this semester. And thanks for the raise. Thank for adding more hours.... but then you tried to cut me to 9 hours. That's not cool. & I find out that in retrospect, I'm not getting paid as much as your other assistants who haven't even been here for that much longer than me. & You're trying to cut me down to 9 again?
I planned my whole extracurricular life around work. This just isn't good. You think a place with kids would have a little more consistency. I'm just so bothered.. It's not right to be treated like this.. I'm not sure if I even want to stay working here. It's not cool.
I understand that I'm lost at the other site, but that's because everything keeps changing. I feel like you should just move me to my main site on Tuesdays & Thursdays, even Friday mornings if you need the help then too. It's better to have consistency for the kids so they have familiar faces and I'm more comfortable working there.
I just feel really upset that this keeps happening to me.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Sad how unhappy I am about you, but I don't really give enough of a sh/t to do something about it. So yeah, I'm going to keep living my life, and continue when I feel ready rather than waiting for you to graduate. Sure, I guess we don't have that bad of a relationship than what I think comes across to other people, but it's nothing like how I believe it should be.
Go ahead & do what you want. I'm not saying I won't be bitter... I'm saying go ahead. Because this way, you may be closer to what you want. You may get a little that's perfect for you, and you may find in them the relationship you never got with me. I will say this: although I went into this EXTREMELY against being a twin, being a twin was probably one of the best things that happened to me. Originally I wanted to be the only little with my big, but I think I would have died from all the attention from you. I think I tried so long because I had a twin. Although my twin doesn't believe in the same things I do, he at least listened to me about my concerns of my relationship with you. He told me to try rather than just complain. He inspired me to ask questions, figure out why I was paired with you. I'm glad you have your own little IC little since that's what you wanted. I'm glad you're "in the drawing" for picking up again. I'm glad that you at least told me. Now the next step is for you to actually ask for my opinion. Also for you to ask how I feel about everything, because honestly, you're never asked me. Yes, you've asked to eat a few times, but even when we eat, do you ask me how I feel? No. I realize that makes me sound like a little girl, but when will I ever be able to have another big? Never.
Momma told me that the Chapter has a way of "fixing" itself.. there's pairs that do not work out & those little tend to find guidance through another member in the Chapter. I don't think I'll ever really see someone as my big in Chapter. But that's alright. I'm inspired by so many people in Chapter, I guess I don't need that relationship that I always wanted, and I'm coming to terms with it. Very slowly because I've realized how bitter I am.
Then again, I tend to stay bitter for a long time. I should work on that.
Go ahead & do what you want. I'm not saying I won't be bitter... I'm saying go ahead. Because this way, you may be closer to what you want. You may get a little that's perfect for you, and you may find in them the relationship you never got with me. I will say this: although I went into this EXTREMELY against being a twin, being a twin was probably one of the best things that happened to me. Originally I wanted to be the only little with my big, but I think I would have died from all the attention from you. I think I tried so long because I had a twin. Although my twin doesn't believe in the same things I do, he at least listened to me about my concerns of my relationship with you. He told me to try rather than just complain. He inspired me to ask questions, figure out why I was paired with you. I'm glad you have your own little IC little since that's what you wanted. I'm glad you're "in the drawing" for picking up again. I'm glad that you at least told me. Now the next step is for you to actually ask for my opinion. Also for you to ask how I feel about everything, because honestly, you're never asked me. Yes, you've asked to eat a few times, but even when we eat, do you ask me how I feel? No. I realize that makes me sound like a little girl, but when will I ever be able to have another big? Never.
Momma told me that the Chapter has a way of "fixing" itself.. there's pairs that do not work out & those little tend to find guidance through another member in the Chapter. I don't think I'll ever really see someone as my big in Chapter. But that's alright. I'm inspired by so many people in Chapter, I guess I don't need that relationship that I always wanted, and I'm coming to terms with it. Very slowly because I've realized how bitter I am.
Then again, I tend to stay bitter for a long time. I should work on that.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
You: Want one of my delicious sushis?
Me: No
You: What do you have planned for lunch?
Me: Nothing
You: Truth Game
Me: Nothing
You: I want you to eat one
Me: I don't want one
You: Take one
Me: I'll get one later
You: When? I'm not going to see you later. By the time I'm out of class, you're in class. Then I have class and you're at work, and I'll go home. And you have pledge meeting and fellowship. Take one so in my mind, I know you're not starving all day
Me: Fine. You know, Carole gave up meat for Lent. I can do that. I didn't have meat yesterday *takes a bite of tofu pocket*
You: Uhh..
Me: Dang it, NOOOOO. I was so close. Why'd you ruin my Lent!
Kekeke.
Me: No
You: What do you have planned for lunch?
Me: Nothing
You: Truth Game
Me: Nothing
You: I want you to eat one
Me: I don't want one
You: Take one
Me: I'll get one later
You: When? I'm not going to see you later. By the time I'm out of class, you're in class. Then I have class and you're at work, and I'll go home. And you have pledge meeting and fellowship. Take one so in my mind, I know you're not starving all day
Me: Fine. You know, Carole gave up meat for Lent. I can do that. I didn't have meat yesterday *takes a bite of tofu pocket*
You: Uhh..
Me: Dang it, NOOOOO. I was so close. Why'd you ruin my Lent!
Kekeke.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Bittersweet Week
I worry about you //concerned
--
Late nights studying turned KTFO = story of my life
--
Keep sleeping without an alarm! I'm happy my body wakes up on it's own
--
Last minute wrote a paper, only to find out it wasn't due. HOLY CRAP! Least I'm ahead for Tuesday..
--
Membership meeting inspired me. So many ideas, maybe next semester.... or not. Man, I didn't even think about it, but now.. maybe I might consider it.
--
PA meetings make me happy :) I'm glad I got it, & I'm super excited for all I'm doing this semester
--
Pushing myself, gotta stay on top of it all. I can do this, this is only the beginning. I can't wait til I reach my full potential.
--
Least I went to AACF.. that's a start.
--
Private Tumblr posts remind me of the past, keke. Glad I made you smile, even just for a few seconds
--
That moment you cross my mind, and I get sad while driving & Adele pops on the radio. Oh Adele, WHY YOU SO RELATEABLE?
--
When those kids keep complaining and tattle-tailing.. but then turn around and do/say something so amazingly cute
--
Rushing back to school to make it in time for AACF, only to realize that your car turned in font of me & I DRIVE LIKE A BOSS away from you. I don't care if it's immature, I just want to GTFAFY (Like what I did that? Get the f/ck away from you) Not that you noticed or anything
--
All I've been doing is looking next to me. I keep remembering you're not here. This semester'll be tough. Never been so close yet so far from you. It's weird. Miss you more, daily. /clingy
--
Late nights studying turned KTFO = story of my life
--
Keep sleeping without an alarm! I'm happy my body wakes up on it's own
--
Last minute wrote a paper, only to find out it wasn't due. HOLY CRAP! Least I'm ahead for Tuesday..
--
Membership meeting inspired me. So many ideas, maybe next semester.... or not. Man, I didn't even think about it, but now.. maybe I might consider it.
--
PA meetings make me happy :) I'm glad I got it, & I'm super excited for all I'm doing this semester
--
Pushing myself, gotta stay on top of it all. I can do this, this is only the beginning. I can't wait til I reach my full potential.
--
Least I went to AACF.. that's a start.
--
Private Tumblr posts remind me of the past, keke. Glad I made you smile, even just for a few seconds
--
That moment you cross my mind, and I get sad while driving & Adele pops on the radio. Oh Adele, WHY YOU SO RELATEABLE?
--
When those kids keep complaining and tattle-tailing.. but then turn around and do/say something so amazingly cute
--
Rushing back to school to make it in time for AACF, only to realize that your car turned in font of me & I DRIVE LIKE A BOSS away from you. I don't care if it's immature, I just want to GTFAFY (Like what I did that? Get the f/ck away from you) Not that you noticed or anything
--
All I've been doing is looking next to me. I keep remembering you're not here. This semester'll be tough. Never been so close yet so far from you. It's weird. Miss you more, daily. /clingy
Monday, February 20, 2012
Yet again.
I find myself staying up ridiculously late not finishing things I have due. Sigh, what's wrong with me. Presentation in an hour in a half.. gotta do research & still need to shower. Man, I've been so distracted lately. 'Gotta GSD this week. For real.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
FIRST PLEDGE MEETING DOWN. It's all surreal.
--
Tonight's TO DO List (Priority):
- Shower
- Senior Interview
- Cultural ID
- Re-write notes
- Write in planner
---
I REALLY REALLY REALLY need to organize so I can get ON TOP of everything. If I don't do it this weekend, it's going to get way too overwhelming.
--
YAY NO WORK MONDAY <3
--
Procrastinating tasks:
BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG
--
Kind of sort of really want to change this blog URL. Kind of..
--
Tonight's TO DO List (Priority):
- Shower
- Senior Interview
- Cultural ID
- Re-write notes
- Write in planner
---
I REALLY REALLY REALLY need to organize so I can get ON TOP of everything. If I don't do it this weekend, it's going to get way too overwhelming.
--
YAY NO WORK MONDAY <3
--
Procrastinating tasks:
BLOG BLOG BLOG BLOG
--
Kind of sort of really want to change this blog URL. Kind of..
Thursday, February 9, 2012
It's similar to the feeling you get before you cry. That pain in the bottom of your stomach. The one you didn't know existed until that moment. The one that reminds you that if anything happened, your world would turn upside down. The one that reminds you what attachment means. The one that tells you what it's like to really love someone. That feeling.
---
Man, bad day at work.
---
9-6, then pinning tomorrow. Crap.
---
Man, bad day at work.
---
9-6, then pinning tomorrow. Crap.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
This whole internet thing for school.. I'm not a big fan. I can't get anything done 'cause I keep getting distracted about stupid stuff. Just bring back all the stupid classes that require 50 times more reading & no online submitting and quizzes and assignments, and I'll be a happy camper.
--
Seems like Tuesday is going to be the low of every week 'cause I always get tired on Tuesdays. Gotta finish the week strong!
--
FRIDAY before work & Pinning is going to be planner shopping. I WILL GET ONE. I need a new one SO BADDDD
--
Seems like Tuesday is going to be the low of every week 'cause I always get tired on Tuesdays. Gotta finish the week strong!
--
FRIDAY before work & Pinning is going to be planner shopping. I WILL GET ONE. I need a new one SO BADDDD
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I spent over 500 dollars in this month alone. Haven't seen my bank account so low in awhile. Just need to deposit these two fat checks on my desk and I'll be fine... but dang, this is what happens when I got home and I have nothing else to do. It could be worse though.. good thing I'm not into shopping for clothes.
--
I just feel like eating..
--
I'm not as good in volleyball as I'd like to be, but I really do miss playing. Glad to be back on the court. Keep forgetting to tape my hands. And I need to get consistent again.. 'cause consistency is like, the most important thing to me in volleyball. You can't afford to mess up on easy things like not getting a serve over or missing a spike. Those should be easy. You need them it to focus.
--
I can't wait for a new planner so I can be organized again. I need order in my life.
--
Super nervous for my interview tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
--
--
I just feel like eating..
--
I'm not as good in volleyball as I'd like to be, but I really do miss playing. Glad to be back on the court. Keep forgetting to tape my hands. And I need to get consistent again.. 'cause consistency is like, the most important thing to me in volleyball. You can't afford to mess up on easy things like not getting a serve over or missing a spike. Those should be easy. You need them it to focus.
--
I can't wait for a new planner so I can be organized again. I need order in my life.
--
Super nervous for my interview tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
--
Monday, January 30, 2012
Haven't been wanting to be held in a while, but today's different. It's not even a big deal, but I guess it feels this way. I wish I knew what I was getting myself into. All I need is some consistency. How am I supposed to schedule my life when it keeps changing? Peeve's been in his new home for a little more than 24 hours. Not quite sure if he's fully adjusted yet. It's only Monday? Can the weekend be here sooner? I feel so exhausted & I keep getting headaches.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Four more days of break. Time to get my act together.
Saturday: Home, Dinner, Clean room/organize donation items
Sunday: Service, Donate stuff, Hang Out
Monday: SJ, Work, Get last minute school stuff, Grocery Shop
Tuesday: Organize, last day of fun, work
Wednesday: GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
Here's to this semester. 13 units, Work, Hopefully a position (fingers crossed), being active. Let's do this. Kind of want to minor too... so this semester, I'm dedicating it to FIGURING IT OUT. I'm thinking Chad. 'cause honestly that's like the only thing I'd minor in. I'm already going to be here FOREVER. Might as well minor. And I forgot about the museum.. yeah, that's last on my priority list. I'm just going to add that to "Places to volunteer and worry about after I finish requirements"
I kind of sort of really like how work is so far. 'cause working with friends is way chill. can it just be like this forever? I think I kind of sort of really just like how Fridays are since all the kids get picked up early.
--
If ______ can do it, you can do it.
DO EVERYTHING 'cause if not, you're getting absolutely nothing done.
GET ORGANIZED.
Saturday: Home, Dinner, Clean room/organize donation items
Sunday: Service, Donate stuff, Hang Out
Monday: SJ, Work, Get last minute school stuff, Grocery Shop
Tuesday: Organize, last day of fun, work
Wednesday: GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.
Here's to this semester. 13 units, Work, Hopefully a position (fingers crossed), being active. Let's do this. Kind of want to minor too... so this semester, I'm dedicating it to FIGURING IT OUT. I'm thinking Chad. 'cause honestly that's like the only thing I'd minor in. I'm already going to be here FOREVER. Might as well minor. And I forgot about the museum.. yeah, that's last on my priority list. I'm just going to add that to "Places to volunteer and worry about after I finish requirements"
I kind of sort of really like how work is so far. 'cause working with friends is way chill. can it just be like this forever? I think I kind of sort of really just like how Fridays are since all the kids get picked up early.
--
If ______ can do it, you can do it.
DO EVERYTHING 'cause if not, you're getting absolutely nothing done.
GET ORGANIZED.
Friday, January 20, 2012
If I was still naive & didn't know any better, I wouldn't think a year is a big deal. But honestly, it's a huge deal.. kind of. Well it would have been. I guess it doesn't seem very huge now because there's plenty of time to celebrate in the future. Plus celebrating seems kind of lame. Then again I'm the master of being lame, heheh
--
I guess I am kind of sad that we didn't do anything super duper special, but that's my fault. I 'gotta stop being lazy. I need to start making decisions again. No more "I don't know" I wish I had time to get fancied up (If you want something, do it yourself)
--
I thought it'd be hard to come up with 52 reasons why I love him, but actually it was easy and I came up with more than double. I forget how great he is sometimes. Actually, I think I just take him for granted a little too much. Sometimes I doubt myself, but then I remember that I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. Scary, but true.
--
Kind of sort of really getting sick of all these people over at the apartment drinking like, every night. Really hope it doesn't continue into the school year. I'd like to go to sleep in peace, thank you very much.
--
Focus on school & work (while still being active) or take on a position, work, & school. Dang it, I don't think I like these decisions. I thought I made up my mind already, but drawing out my schedule intimidates me, even though it's not that intense
--
Starting next week when I go back to school goals:
--
I guess I am kind of sad that we didn't do anything super duper special, but that's my fault. I 'gotta stop being lazy. I need to start making decisions again. No more "I don't know" I wish I had time to get fancied up (If you want something, do it yourself)
--
I thought it'd be hard to come up with 52 reasons why I love him, but actually it was easy and I came up with more than double. I forget how great he is sometimes. Actually, I think I just take him for granted a little too much. Sometimes I doubt myself, but then I remember that I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. Scary, but true.
--
Kind of sort of really getting sick of all these people over at the apartment drinking like, every night. Really hope it doesn't continue into the school year. I'd like to go to sleep in peace, thank you very much.
--
Focus on school & work (while still being active) or take on a position, work, & school. Dang it, I don't think I like these decisions. I thought I made up my mind already, but drawing out my schedule intimidates me, even though it's not that intense
--
Starting next week when I go back to school goals:
- Eat healthy (research on more healthy blogs)
- Eat out twice a week max (crap, this is going to be hard..)
- Stop fighting exercise. Just do it.
- Knock out requirements early. Just do it.
- Stay on top of readings!
- No skipping class. I was so close last semester! Now I have 9AM class though :(
--
- T: Black Bear Diner, Work (Super tight hugs, Disneyland talk for DAYS, New kids, Kids not sitting 'cause they were too exciting, lots of chasing, chess, & homework with the triplets), House, Leftovers, Home
- W: Woke up late, presents, lunch, Work (Awkward, chatting & catching up, Missing faces & familiar faces, Toaster & shark/dolphin & baby & dancers, awkward visit, gummy worms), Cheesecake Factory (Tuxedo), Beauty & The Beast 3D, Home
- R: Woke up late, Costco, Target, Dollar Tree, Safeway, Home, Pizza & Cookies, Shutter Island, Time Confusion
Friday, January 13, 2012
I have so many ideas and aspirations, I need to do something. Time to re-think where I want to be in life.
--
If you're going to insist on hanging out with me & I give you a day & you're busy, don't keep insisting on other days when I'm busy then go back to the initial day I said, make plans, then cancel the day of. Or try to change them last minute when I clearly was trying to confirm plans the day before.
--
If you're going to insist on hanging out with me & I give you a day & you're busy, don't keep insisting on other days when I'm busy then go back to the initial day I said, make plans, then cancel the day of. Or try to change them last minute when I clearly was trying to confirm plans the day before.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
So I guess I'm going to give up on you 'cause it doesn't make sense to keep trying. I'll just wait for you to reach out to me. But when you do, I'll be ready. I really hope you're doing well 'cause I kind of miss you a little. Hope life is treating you well, I'll see you in the future (maybe).
--
I'm SO LAZY, and I don't get anything done when I have ALL THIS TIME. I need a deadline, for real. I guess if I work tonight, I still have tomorrow night and Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday during the day. Or I can just put it off until summer.
--
So here's my choice. APO or school. I wanted to be a PA this semester & I spent hecka time deciding between PA & Awards Chair. In the end, I decided to try & be a PA. But after some thinking & looking at my schedule... I think I might just add one more class to my schedule. If I add one more (where I want it to be) I'll be at 16 units, and about 12 hours of work a week & being active & I wanna volunteer at the museum more in my spare time. I think I can do it. But honestly, I'm not sure what I'll be getting myself into. I'm not a very serious student & I've never taken more than 15 units at a time & I'm actually taking major classes.. :/ What to do, what to do.
--
I'm SO LAZY, and I don't get anything done when I have ALL THIS TIME. I need a deadline, for real. I guess if I work tonight, I still have tomorrow night and Friday night, Saturday, and Sunday during the day. Or I can just put it off until summer.
--
So here's my choice. APO or school. I wanted to be a PA this semester & I spent hecka time deciding between PA & Awards Chair. In the end, I decided to try & be a PA. But after some thinking & looking at my schedule... I think I might just add one more class to my schedule. If I add one more (where I want it to be) I'll be at 16 units, and about 12 hours of work a week & being active & I wanna volunteer at the museum more in my spare time. I think I can do it. But honestly, I'm not sure what I'll be getting myself into. I'm not a very serious student & I've never taken more than 15 units at a time & I'm actually taking major classes.. :/ What to do, what to do.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
I need to stop jumping ahead of myself. Here's my list of things to do today (IN THIS ORDER)
1. Type Wong Family Movie List
2. Clean room
3. Make Christmas Card
4. Wrap Christmas Present
5. FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO
6. Eh, I probably won't get this far.
Oh & at 8 get on Skype.
I should probably stop being a bum and shower..
1. Type Wong Family Movie List
2. Clean room
3. Make Christmas Card
4. Wrap Christmas Present
5. FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO
6. Eh, I probably won't get this far.
Oh & at 8 get on Skype.
I should probably stop being a bum and shower..
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)