With him, I use the word "Forever". I don't use it all the time, but I do realize I let it slip when I'm not over-thinking things. I find him using the word "Always". Words really mean a lot to me, and I take them seriously, and it scares me that I would even use a word so permanent. He knows he's the only person I see as permanent.. but I'm still scared of those words. I'm scared of saying anything like that... but I trust him. I trust him completely... as much as I'm scared.

I realized that everything I call him around people... is weird because I'm so used to calling him by our nicknames. Tonight I realized that he cares about me more than I care about myself. He tries to take care of me. I should listen more. What the heck.. we got called out by a someone, and he was saying that we should date and that we'd make a good husband and wife. That was awkward.

I wish more than anything I was able to have the title. I wish I didn't have this baggage. Because I know it's me holding it back. But it's alright. I trust him. We have plenty of time for a title in the future. I wish I was able to tell him I love him. He says it doesn't bother him that I don't say it... but I feel like it would bother me. But just because I don't say it doesn't mean I don't care. I care so much. I think so highly of him. But you know what..? At least I know I'll be sure. At least I know I'll mean it. At least he'll know. It's not a matter of if, but a matter of when.