I did notice that I really did throw myself into AphiO. Kind of hate myself for that. I feel like that's all I talk about.. Maybe because of the whole everyone getting their littles.. I kind of wanted a little, but I didn't think I was ready to pick up this semester, and I was talking to DK, and he was saying how a lot of Big-little relationships where the big picked up right after they crossed didn't work out. I didn't really notice until he said that, but I agree.

I don't know when I'll be ready, honestly. I feel like I don't have enough life experience, plus right now, I feel like I don't have enough money. I hecka plan on spoiling my little. I don't know.. I think I'm just scared of ended up with a bad Big-Little relationship. At first I planned on only getting one little... but then I thought about it.. and I don't know.. what if my little is never around? Or disappears? Or something happens. Yeah, I'd always be their Big, but then I'd might want another little. Just a thought.

I think I'm a little happier about my family now.. after BSR and everything.. just because now I'm getting closer to some of them. I know I still don't know anyone, but it makes me happy that I'm making some (ANY) progress.

Sherman and I were talking about how all the families tend to have people with the same personality because Bigs & littles are matched up like that.. I definitely agree, and I really think that's why I don't get along with a lot of my family... then again, I don't know why Twin and I are matched with Big. I don't think I ever will... and I think it kind of bothers me. It really did bother me that the Mamas didn't know Twin and I were close before we even got twinned. Seriously. Did they not know me at all?

I guess what really sucks is that.. like I said the one thing I was really really really excited about for AphiO was getting a Big, and it really didn't work out the way I wanted it to.. I'm still working on it though.. and honestly, I want a good Big Little relationship with my Big before I pick up.. at the same time.. I know I'm a student, and it's only going to get harder the longer I wait.. Then again, I could be a line-killer. Because essentially, our line is pretty messed up.

I need to stop talking about AphiO. It's sickening.