I don't know how long it'll take for me to stop being awkward around Kevin.. I wish I knew. Oh the other hand, I think I realized yesterday how much baggage I really do hold. I knew the whole Kevin thing would mean a lot to me.. but honestly. This is way more than I thought. I'm kind of overwhelmed. At least at this time.

What breaks my heart is knowing that I'm hurting him when I think about Kevin. Or when I talk about Kevin. I care about him too much to do that, and I already know how scared we both are. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to scare him. I'm sorry I have so much baggage. I didn't realize how heavy it was until recently.

He's amazing though... I don't know any guys that would stick with someone if they're not over their ex, or if they reference him or all that stuff... Really though? I don't know anyone that would do that. For that, I'm lucky. for that, I'm so extremely grateful that it's not even funny.

I can't stop my thoughts, but I can try to focus on my future, and who will be better for me ultimately. He's amazing. You're amazing, and I heart you.