Sometimes

Sometimes I think about Eric, even though I'm pretty sure he doesn't think about me. I often wonder what would have happened if it ended differently. What if we actually said goodbye?What if he was actually my first boyfriend. Explain the situation to anyone, and they'll probably tell me that he was, but I still refuse to believe that. We didn't have the title, and we definitely didn't have the intimacy. The closest I got to him were those picture poses. I wonder what exactly happened in the end. If I could go back, I'd try harder. I'd talk to him more, and differently. I wouldn't have worried about what people said, I would have cherished him and showed him to everyone. I would have disregarded the "ratio rules" that my friends told me, and hung out with him as much as I possibly could. I'd let him know how much he meant to me at the time. Back then, I didn't realize how special he was to me, and for sure he didn't know how much me meant to me. It's weird though, because honestly, we didn't hang out very much or see each other that much, and all of our talking was over the computer. I wish I had texting back then. We talked everyday for a few hours for about ten months. Technically speaking, that was a 10 month-long relationship.