Could Have Been Number Five

Yesterday I couldn't stop thinking about him. I replayed every moment I could remember from the night before. I wanted to talk to him so badly, but I felt like with everything circulating, I shouldn't talk to him. I realized I should just stay busy. I know it's an obvious answer, but it's honestly so much harder than it sounds. I need to help myself before I can help others (That's what he always told me/still tells me). I Skyped with my friend for 5+ hours. It helped a lot, actually. I feel like as much as it's going to hurt, I really should stop seeing him until at least Winter Break is over, then we can DTR before the semester starts. I knocked out at 630AM.

Today felt weird- different. He texted me this morning, I felt like he was making conversation about nothing, which is usually what I do when I just want to talk to him, so I assumed he missed me. He said it was a nice day, and that we should get something to eat. I basically stalled until he took it as a no. After he asked if I wanted to hang out tomorrow. I wasn't finished fully making up my mind about not seeing him, plus I didn't have a reason not to go, so I agreed. We're having breakfast tomorrow, and we'll see what happens from there.

After we stopped talking in the morning (Actually early afternoon 'cause I slept in), we didn't talk all day, which is odd, but the weirdest thing is that I didn't feel a need to talk to him. Sure I thought about him, but no more than I did during the normal relationship, which is a significant difference. I'm not sure if this means I'm getting over it or I'm accepting it.

Here's the thing: He intends to date me again in the future, but it's not guaranteed. Nothing is guaranteed. Honestly, that's the hardest part. I don't know if I should try to move on, or hold onto all the reasons why I love him.