Number Two

We were at the mall one time when a display caught my eye, and I automatically ran to it. I remember pointing it out, and being ecstatic. We must have been there for a good five-ten minutes, but then we had to go to back to the original reason we were at the mall. From that moment on, I completely forgot about it.

We exchanged presents today. He told me to guess what he got me, and I said hair straightener because he's been wanting me to have one since forever. I opened it really slow, and it ended up being the thing I saw in the mall. He told me to smell it and it smelled good- familiar. I asked him if this is what he smelled like, and he said yeah. He also got me a card that I had to wait until I got home to open. I'm touched he wrote a message in it.

I watched him play video games today, and even though I usually get bored when I watch people play video games, it was really fun to watch 'cause he's so entertaining and makes me laugh. I still find myself doing special things and taking care of him. I made a list of things he needed for Tahoe. While he was playing I wrote a three notes. I told him to turn around before so I could leave something in his bag. I left two in his bag and one in his boot. He knew what I was doing, and searched for the notes after I left. He texted me later and said he found it- the one in his boot. He doesn't know there are two more, and I hope he finds them over the trip and get surprised.

I know the way I talk about him. I know the way I think about it. In my head, it's like we're still together. Honestly, we text more than we did, but it's different, and even though it's hard for me, I know that. I know I can't tell him certain things. I know I can't kiss or hug him, or do all the other things I love. I can't tell him how much I think about him, how I feel about him, or how hard this is for me.

He leaves tomorrow morning, and that's why saying goodbye was especially hard today. I'm scared he won't come back, and he knows this. This Tahoe trip is dangerous, that's why my parents wouldn't let me go. I'm afraid for him. I'm scared out of my mind.