I never thought that I'd... well.. I guess I assumed that this wouldn't happen. That everyone knew, and would lay off what's mine, but I was wrong. It's not like anything happened or anything, but it's the thought... Knowing that someone would have taken him, even just for one night. I'm not a happy camper. Everything was intercepted, and nothing happened, but the thought of it lingers in my head. I'm scared it'll happen again, but next time it won't end up this way. He's mine, back off. Yet I'm the one holding back from the public. This is all my fault... yet I'm still greedy. I'm scared of something happening. At least I know what he would have said.

Least we both know I get jealous. A little jealously never hurt anyone. It just shows that I care. Which, believe me, you never want to have a relationship without jealousy. A healthy relationship should always have a little bit of jealousy. Never too much, of course.

Maybe it's time I just stop hiding it. Maybe it's time that I tell people.

The reason why I suck as a sponsor is because I have a sucky sponsor. The reason I know I'm going to suck as a big because I have a sucky big. I'm sorry I'm trying to avoid being a sucky big. I really don't want a relationship like that. I need to learn what good bigs do. I need to, so I can be one.... once my big graduates.