I miss my grandmas sometimes. I mean, who else in the world would cut open those big grapes, take away the seeds, and peel them for me? Absolutely no one. I remember my mom used to ask her why she did that, and then she'd tell her that I was capable of eating them normally. Hah. I remember giving my grandma chicken bones after I was done eating them, and she'd eat that marrow part. I remember her radio with those Chinese stations. I remember every Thanksgiving, she'd slave away in the kitchen and all the newspaper. I remember those "Chinese Scissors" B and I played with. How we'd say that only a true Chinese could use them. I remember playing with silly putty, and how she made me a horse. I remember all those Saturdays going over after Chinese school. I remember showing her all my homework and papers, so proud of myself. I remember those brown plates. I remember my kiddy plates with the dividers. I remember Grandma's chair. I remember how she's always, always buy my favorite cereal and eat it too. I remember all those blankets she made me, and Greeny's still my favorite. I remember the toys. And her backyard- all the flowers. I remember that time there was a fire next door, and we were evacuated. I remember going back for the pink teddy bear blanket she made me. I remember going to Disneyland too. And China. Man, I really miss her sometimes. I was over there pretty much every other weekend before B and I were old enough to stay home alone. 10 years yesterday. 10 years without her. It's silly when I think about it. I remember the day after her funeral. I woke up crying because I realized Grandma wasn't with us anymore. Lately I've been thinking about her a lot, since everyone's been asking me if I can speak Chinese. I just say, "No. I went to Chinese school for about three years, then quit. And after my grandma passed away, I never used it, so I lost it". I wish I could have talked to her about what it was like coming to America. I wish I knew everything she went through. All the stories would have been great, I bet. I wonder what she thought Texas was like. Mom says they had to grow their vegetables so they could have the Asian ones. I wonder she Grandma thought though. I wonder if being in Texas made her open to more races. I wonder what she thoguh exactly when she learned how to make tamales in Texas. And going to SF? Man, imagine a change like that. Going from no Chinese/Asian people at all, to being surrounded by them? My mom tells me what she thought, but I wonder what my grandma thought. I wish I was able to talk to her. I wish I was able to know what it was like. I wish I knew.
10 years yesterday. 10 years without the one grandparent that I was really attached to. I mean, yes, I still have my grandma on my dad's side, but it's not the same. I was never raised by her. And my grandpa on my mom's side? Died when I was 5 weeks old. Grandpa on my dad's side? I never shed a tear over him. He was always quiet, didn't say much. Always stayed in his room when we'd be over. My grandma though. My Paw Paw. I miss her.