and I feel like I have absolutely no time. There's not enough hours in a day. I'm sick of spending all my free time doing and typing interviews when I'm taking breaks from doing research and when I'm not practicing for my dance midterm. (Which I freakin' screwed up, and it was all my fault. Stop reminding me. I'm hard enough on myself). I'm so tired and exhausted, I just want a peaceful sleep, and as much as I am excited for this weekend, I can't be because I know how much work I have to do in the next few weeks.
I hate that I skipped AACF this week because I know how important it if for me to keep attending. I already feel live I've lost so much, I can't afford to lost my relationship with God too. I've already been feeling it slip away. I guess I can give up my hopes of finally finding a church in San Jose.
I'm so behind in Meteorology. We're on chapter 6, my midterm is on Wednesday, and I haven't even began to review, plus let's be honest, I absolutely need to get a 100% to raise my grade since I didn't do as good as I would liked to on my last quiz. On the plus side, I have all perfects on my homework assignments.
Creative Writing is still somewhat enjoyable. The poetry assignment was hard, but in a good way because I liked the challenge, and what I liked about it was that it was only like, a night of stress. Then it was gone. We have a 8-12 page and a 500 word fiction piece, and I'm not creative, so I still have no idea what I'm going to write about.
Sociology 80 is one fat disappointment. It was supposed to be my "fun" class to see if I wanted to go into Sociology for sure or not, and at least I know I don't want to do it. I hate it. The reading are boring (when I do them), and none of them catch my attention. The only topic I had a little bit of an interest in was the Asian American one, but we barely even covered that in class. We have an essay due on Thursday, and I have to catch up on readings before I can even write the paper. He expects so much out of the paper too, it's ridiculous. & OMG, my teacher. I don't like him. He's boring and he doesn't catch my attention. Even if I do the readings, I honestly can't follow anything in class. I feel stupid. He's really passionate about what he teaches, and he wants us to learn, but honestly? I'm not trying to change the world. I just want to see if I want to major in Sociology. I don't even need this class as a GE 'cause I already took it! It's so frustrating, and I didn't have enough units to drop it anyways. & he said we should be concerned if he doesn't know our names. He doesn't know my name!But is it my fault for not talking if I'm not interested in the subject at all?
Dance class is alright. Used to be more of a stress relief, now I'm just pissed at myself. I know I'm being too hard on myself, but seriously? I can't help it. Ugh. It's my partner for my midterm last semester, our routine was so basic it wasn't even funny, and to follow a good group. Horrible thing is that we had a really good routine, and put a lot of time into it, and I screwed it up. If I knew I was going to screw it up, I would have not spent so much time on it. I have other crap I have to do! Plus he said he saw the look on my face, like I was super unconfident, and he said that he knew I was going to mess up. Then he mentioned that he offered more practice yesterday, but I had stuff to do. SCHOOL stuff. This it too much time for one unit class. I'm behind on my homework's too, and the only time I can go to lessons is on Thursdays, but I keep skipping because I'm always doing last minute APhiO stuff.
Someone needs to tell me why the heck I'm taking two English classes, seriously. In reality it's all my fault 'cause I signed up for it. 1B is killing me 'cause I realized I don't like my teacher 'cause he has his good days and his bad days, and I've yet to write anything I even would want to submit to him. I've bombed all the in class essays I've written. & what the heck, I just really don't like that class. I bet just from the work that I've submitted that I look like a complete idiot who doesn't even belong in 1B. I miss my 1A teacher. She cared about her students. I feel like this guy doesn't care. & I'm so lost on my research paper, and I'm at the stage where I can't BS a research anymore. I'm in 1B now, it's getting serious. & what the heck, the teacher doesn't even tell us how he wants his stuff, then he gets mad when we do it wrong. He's too intimidating.
APhiO stuff is taking so much time, it's not even funny. I know I said I wanted to get to know my pledge brothers and sisters, but this is just getting ridiculous. Typing is so much work because I'm a bad worker and it takes me forever. I'm not even caught up, and it's 12, and they're due at 630 tonight, but I didn't have time to do it because I had research and other homework. I don't even know anymore. Why am I pledging? I don't like how I'm busy basically every weekend. As far as all the requirements, I'm on top of those, except dates with my buddies. Speaking of my buddies, am I the only one kind of sad at that? Like... I guess I was hoping that I'd get a really nice connection, but I haven't. My Phi buddy is really really nice though, and I really want to spend time with her, but I've been too busy for a date. As far as my Big. I think I know who it is, but I don't want to say anything because I'm not too thrilled. I know I didn't really have like... any one that I put down under preference, but I'm kind of bummed, honestly. I'm kind of sad that I haven't gotten anything from my big. I don't even need like, a present or something. I'd just like a secret note or something. I remember Jenn's Big got her stuff, and Sophia's Big talked to her and got to know her before BSR. Maybe I'm just comparing too much. Or maybe I'm just disappointed that the one thing I was really really really excited about for APhiO was getting a Big, and I guess I just haven't gotten any of my expectations. That's what I get for having expectations though.
I haven't seen China in weeks, and that really upsets me. I haven't seen the old gang in a long time, and I never spend time with them anymore. I don't even think all of them know I'm pledging. I haven't talked to Mel in forever, or the Fellow Five. I haven't seen my Creating a Meaningful Life friends in forever, and I still haven't sent a letter out this year. I don't have any time, and what I hate it when people totally submerge themselves with one group of people. Am I going to turn into one of those? I'm only going to be with APhiO people? That's so ridiculous to me. And what about my boyfriend? It's unfair to him that I'm so busy. It's unfair to us. I miss him.
Kevin's right. I'm spreading myself too thin. Honestly, Ive been forgetting to eat too.
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