Mundane. Boring. Routine.

Sometimes I wish my life was more exciting than it really is. Don't get me wrong, I like my life. I have a very loving boyfriend, I'm living in a pretty good apartment with roommates I'm content with. I don't absolutely hate what I'm studying. I love my school. I'm in an organization that gives me purpose, and makes me strive to be a better person. I have supportive friends. I have a family who loves me and has supported me throughout my life. I'm excited about the person I'm becoming.

However, every once in a while, I go through this phase. I go through moments where I get tired of my life. I get moments where life seems routine.

I got back from a family vacation yesterday, and even though it was just a day ago, being in San Jose has greatly impacted me, and the way I think.
I love it here. I have friends here, my boyfriend is here, but as I'm ending my fourth year in San Jose, I'm growing tired of this place.

There's also my perception on people. I see nearly every person as temporary, which withholds me from getting close to people. As I've seen in the past, I grow tired of people, and eventually drift away. I'm also really bad at keeping in touch with others. However, my boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. Two years. Honestly, it doesn't sound like too much. However, it's a pretty big chunk of my life. He's one of the few people I don't see as temporary. From the beginning, however, I've always held this fear that I may one day grow bored of him. Whenever I go through a phase like this, my heart breaks because he's what I think of. More than anything, I don't want to be bored of the one person whom I really love. It's scary admitting this, and it's scary thinking that maybe, potentially, hypothetically, knock on wood, that one day he may not be there for me. Maybe I'm blinded, maybe I'm dramatic; however, I don't know what I would do without him.

I'm sorry my brain works like this, and I sometimes think these things. I wish I didn't. I'm lucky to have someone like you in my life, and I hope that one day, I'll be able to comfort you the way you comfort me every time you hold me. Maybe that's why I'm such a clingy cuddle butt. I feel safe in your arms, like nothing can hurt me. I lava you, lame butt. Love, yours.