1. A person who has withdrawn from society and lives a solitary existence; a recluse.
2. A spiced cookie made with molasses, raisins, and nuts.
A lot of people ask me if I'm a jealous person, and honestly I'm not so sure, but I am sure of one thing right now: I am jealous of hermits (at least at this point in time). Hermits are lucky because they don't have to deal with the drama of other people, they just go away from everyone and live happy lives with themselves.
I'm sure most people reading this would wonder why. Why, Jen? Why are you envious of hermits? Why would you ever be?
Hear me out. They're brave. They're independent. They're ABLE to cut themselves off from people. I would die if I were a hermit.
It's horrible that I'm jealous of hermits, but sometimes I can't help but be. I'd love to be able to stop talking to people and still be content with my life. Instead, I'm Jen- the social butterfly that talks all the time and is always hanging out with people. I never really realized that I want (or maybe even need) someone around me all the time. At least in college. At least in high school. At least in middle school. But never at home- until now. Now I've found myself unable to be in my own house alone. Now I've found myself needing someone around me. Maybe it's all this stuff with B in the hospital, or maybe it's that I've finally reached a crazy level. So what does this mean? Am I officially a clingy person? I have to have someone around me? Or maybe it means that I suffocate my friends. Or maybe it means that I'm using my friends.
Sad thing is that I'm was pretty content with being alone for the longest time. Now, after I've gotten home from college, I've realized how much time I spent with other people. Now life is boring without someone here, even if we're not doing anything. Sad thing is, I've pretty much lost a sense of wanting to go out and be with other people. Instead, I've just been spending time with Kevin doing nothing.
Irony. Now that I've realized I need someone around, I've completely stopped calling or texting people to hang out. I just don't want to be with people, even though I need it.
One of these days, I feel like I'm going to suddenly break down and cry in front of someone. One of these days, I feel like I'm going to stop responding to people's texts or calls. One of these days, I feel like I'm going to leave without say bye or why.
One of these days, I feel like no one will notice.
/Emo.
Funny how I can post stuff like this, but only few people (if any) see me like this.
So what will happen when I get my license? Will I run errands, drive without a destination, go on countless shopping trips by myself? Will I call anyone and everyone, creating fun memories? Or will I just be driving to & from Kevin's house to do nothing?
Soon we'll see what happens. I'm going to take my behind the wheel test in eight days.
/More Emo.
A lot of people ask me if I'm a jealous person, and honestly I'm not so sure, but I am sure of one thing right now: I am jealous of hermits (at least at this point in time). Hermits are lucky because they don't have to deal with the drama of other people, they just go away from everyone and live happy lives with themselves.
I'm sure most people reading this would wonder why. Why, Jen? Why are you envious of hermits? Why would you ever be?
Hear me out. They're brave. They're independent. They're ABLE to cut themselves off from people. I would die if I were a hermit.
It's horrible that I'm jealous of hermits, but sometimes I can't help but be. I'd love to be able to stop talking to people and still be content with my life. Instead, I'm Jen- the social butterfly that talks all the time and is always hanging out with people. I never really realized that I want (or maybe even need) someone around me all the time. At least in college. At least in high school. At least in middle school. But never at home- until now. Now I've found myself unable to be in my own house alone. Now I've found myself needing someone around me. Maybe it's all this stuff with B in the hospital, or maybe it's that I've finally reached a crazy level. So what does this mean? Am I officially a clingy person? I have to have someone around me? Or maybe it means that I suffocate my friends. Or maybe it means that I'm using my friends.
Sad thing is that I'm was pretty content with being alone for the longest time. Now, after I've gotten home from college, I've realized how much time I spent with other people. Now life is boring without someone here, even if we're not doing anything. Sad thing is, I've pretty much lost a sense of wanting to go out and be with other people. Instead, I've just been spending time with Kevin doing nothing.
Irony. Now that I've realized I need someone around, I've completely stopped calling or texting people to hang out. I just don't want to be with people, even though I need it.
One of these days, I feel like I'm going to suddenly break down and cry in front of someone. One of these days, I feel like I'm going to stop responding to people's texts or calls. One of these days, I feel like I'm going to leave without say bye or why.
One of these days, I feel like no one will notice.
/Emo.
Funny how I can post stuff like this, but only few people (if any) see me like this.
So what will happen when I get my license? Will I run errands, drive without a destination, go on countless shopping trips by myself? Will I call anyone and everyone, creating fun memories? Or will I just be driving to & from Kevin's house to do nothing?
Soon we'll see what happens. I'm going to take my behind the wheel test in eight days.
/More Emo.
Jen don't disappear! I love hanging out with you! Hmm, by your definition I wonder if I myself am a hermit. I spend a lot of time at home by myself or walking around the city by myself, does that count? I don't think being a hermit is that great, though it's not like I crave companionship all the time. I think it's human nature to want companionship though. We weren't made to be alone all the time. HA you don't need a car to go on countless shopping trips by yourself. Lord knows I've spent the last two semesters doing that (and downtown has officially drained my entire earnings from last summer). Good luck on your driving test, I know you can do it! And if you do need a destination, I can supply one: SANTA CRUZ BEACH BOARDWALK. I've begged all my friends to drive me down there, and yet no one has.
ReplyDeleteHope Brian's doing better!
ReplyDeleteI totally love being alone all the time. :P But when I lived with roommates in SJ and served in fellowship, I realized that even though I felt like a lot of energy I had was drained from me when I hung out with people, I still had a good time with them and it was meaningful. Coming out to Minneapolis has really made me see that having a good community (in school and in ministry) of people who have different perspectives on things and different personalities is important to learning and growing. Although my current suite mates are very different then I am, I still make an effort to spend time with them...even though sometimes I'd rather be doing other things. I used to think being a hermit would be AWESOME...I'd be like Thoreau or Emerson and just go to Walden Pond and never come back. I still joke about it sometimes but I know I would never do it..well maybe not until I'm 60+. But we'll see. I think what it comes down to is learning how to balance the kind of social life you have with social interactions with people you don't normally/haven't spend/spent time with. Anyway, hang out with your friends before summer's over! And call me if you're ever in LA after August. I'd love to show you around if you're ever in town. :D Good luck on your driving test!
ReplyDelete