Lacking both motivation and discipline. By now, I should have mastered these skills, what's wrong with me?

Skipping class, skipping volunteering. Watching hours of Jon and Kate Plus 8. There are so many hours in a day, and I just waste them. 

You know, when you think about it, there really isn't anything to do with a person other than eat. Or hang out, which usually involved eating. And eating really isn't fun, or enjoyable because ultimately all you do is hand your money away in exchange for something to sustain you. What happens when food is no longer enjoyable? When you can't look at it the same way. I feel like after Biggest Loser, I couldn't look at food the same way. I looked at it as calories, portions, or a time on the clock. It was temptation, nothing needed. Now that I've become more busy, I honestly don't eat to enjoy food. I eat so I don't worry you.. I eat to stop the pain in my head or my stomach. I eat because I tell people that I like eating- to fulfill a reputation that I've created for myself. I eat a lot because I say I do. I'm tired of this.

I feel like I'm really awkward, but when I think about it, everyone is quirky. Like, really quirky. Either they're open about it, or they hide it really well. But whenever I walk around campus or anywhere, everyone looks so normal. I wonder.. Am I like that? Do I blend it well enough when I don't say anything?

How do you know when to leave a relationship? When you're not happy.
I like how simple you make things. This is balance.

I like it when you hold me. I like those subtle touches when we're around people- those looks across the room. Those moments when I wish for all the time in the world. When I can't stop laughing, all the cutesy arguments. I like your face. The way to notice my facial expressions. Those random creative ideas to make things work. The way you question things. Your not-quite-a-lisp-or-accent. How you constantly cut you hair, but I don't notice. How you let me eat your food when I say I don't want any. I like you. Even though you're lame(er than me).

I wish I was more driven and motivated, that I knew what I wanted. I wish that I would stop overthinking. I wish I didn't take things so seriously. I wish for your happiness. I wish for your safety. I wish for your success. I wish for you, my love.

For those days where I know I'll need this. From a person who I know has my back. One day I'll thank you, but until then, thank you for your encouragement. Only hope I do the same.

"and as for you..you have the makeup and experience necessary to be ready. you and virginia nailed your speech and the prep towards that really well! of course. you got it you have more potential than you realize!"