Not to offend you, but... actually, screw that. And screw you! Ahahaha, not really. Maybe. No, it's all good. Just wanted to say that I think you totally downgraded. I don't mean your girlfriend. She's pretty. I mean you, sucka! Okay, so yeah, you seem like you're better of a person and everything, but really...? You downgraded your looks. It kind of looks likes you gained some weight.. just saying. Which is weird because one of the last times we hung out with each other, you were bragging about how you were exercising and eating healthier.

And I remember having a conversation with you about how I would gain weight and let myself go and all that crap when we were over... and I said I'd work out and upgrade. Which I never did, BUT I feel a lot better about myself without you. Certain days I dress nicely, but lately I just go to work so I don't wear nice stuff.

Plus I've been saving money, so I don't buy nice clothes. I did realize I spent way too much money on you though.. I think you were spoiled too much. Not necessarily in money (although I did pay a lot after you said you were running low on money...just saying), but in affection. Wish I could take that back.

“If a girl understands your bullshit, sticks around through all your mistakes, and smiles even though you’ve done nothing for her, it’s obvious she’s a keeper. But it’s also obvious you don’t deserve her.”

JUST SAYING. Although you realized you didn't deserve me... I kind of wish I realized that, but whatever. Life goes on, and gets better.

Okay, so if you actually read this, I hope you're doing well. Seriously. One or two things reminded me of you recently. Last time I checked on you, you were really happy. I hope you had fun with that Florida trip, and I hope you were able to grow as a person. I hope you and your girlfriend are doing really well. I've been good, if you were wondering. Things have been the same since we last held an awkward small talk conversation, and I'm still working at the same place as I was last summer. My driving is getting better, and I still feel bad about that one time I drove you car.. I really don't mind paying. I hope you realize that. I also want you to know that that night was the first time I was ever so scared for another person. Of course, times have changed since then, but at the time it was. I hope you realize that..

I often wonder how much you regret your decision. Or if you do at all. I wonder if you ever think about me. I don't really think of you, to be honest. You come across my head every once in a while.. but I stopped letting the thought of you linger in my head after the countless times I've cried over you, and I know that if I continue thinking about you, I'd cry again. Although now, I'm alright. No tears will be shed today.

I'm fixing my sleeping pattern. Last time we talked about sleeping, I told you how hard it was for me to sleep. It's not anymore. Now I'm slowly converting into a morning person. And I've been wanting to do that since forever, so I'm extremely happy about that. Sadly, that means I fall asleep very easily. It's typically before 1Am now. And instead of hearing your voice yelling at me before I sleep, I fall asleep to the sweet voice of someone on the other end of the phone or on the other side of my webcam. Which is honestly, amazing.

My family is good. Mom and Dad still reference you sometimes, and my brother kids about you. I used to be bothered by it a lot, but now it's okay. Still bothers me sometimes. Honestly, it was really hard for my mom to accept that we don't talk to each other. That I didn't know what what going on in your life. I think they miss having you over for dinner and talking to you. They really did like you. My parents don't know about my special someone though, if you were wondering. You were introduced too quickly to my family... and you left so suddenly, and you lingering in this household forever that I don't really want to introduce anyone into this family. No matter how serious I am with someone. You kind of traumatized me.. If you're wondering. No, my family doesn't know what happened between us or how our relationship was. Most of my friends still don't know the full story, but most haven't bothered to ask.

I try not to think about you very often. I through out the 6 roses you gave me. It took a while, but I did. Honestly, I didn't do it for me, I did it for him, but I offered. He didn't ask me. It's all surreal. The whole relationship. A part of me forgot that it happened. But then I get flashbacks and glimpses of things you said or how you reacted to certain things, and I remember. I deleted you from my Newsfeed, but I still see your name along the side of my Facebook sometimes.

Sometimes I want to be mad at you, but honestly. I can't because in the end, you helped me. I guess if anything, I'm just disappointed in you.. For "giving up". For treating me the way you did. You said it had to do with my expectations, and yeah, I'm not going to lie, it had a lot to do with that.. but honestly, I just saw your potential, and I guess it sucked that you didn't realize it & didn't embrace it.

Oh well, life goes on. Just another chapter closed.

7/21/11
I FOUND SO MANY DRAFTS ON THIS BLOG.