Confession 12-18

Confession (12): If something's really really bugging me, I have no one to talk to. Sure, I have some other people, but when it comes down to it, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I know what they're going to say, so I don't bother talking to them.

Confession (13): Honestly, I wish something would happen to me when I walk home alone at 3AM, just to see if he would care.

Confession (14): I don't want to use the word love because then it would officially let me know what I already know... and let it be known to the person it most matters to.

Confession (15): I hate the "Photo Memories" side bar on Facebook because I take a look at it, and get really sad about some of those pictures.

Confession (16): I still text him when something's bugging me, and it calms me even though we don't talk about it and we're unable to hold a serious conversation. We both have no idea what's going on in each other's lives, but for some reason, I find comfort just in getting a text back from him.

Confession (17): I feel like lately I can't get my point across unless I swear because all my words aren't powerful enough. I still haven't sworn.

Confession (18): I hate hate hate the fact that I don't keep a journal anymore, especially since so much has happened since I stopped.

Note: I had part of this saved as a draft, so I just went with it. Actually posted: 10/3/10

Confession 1.0

Photo by Jen Wong

Confession: Sometimes I leave my journal out because I want people to read my private thoughts and see if they'll look at me differently or because when I write them, I write them as if I'm writing a letter to a specific person. My journal holds the words I wish I was able to tell certain people... sometimes. Other times, it's just things I need to write out or I'll go crazy.

So am I crazy for wanting people to read my inner thoughts? I guess it's because I know I'll never have the guts to tell them these things in real life. & as for those extremely secret things I don't want anyone knowing... well those don't go in my journal. They don't go anywhere.

I decided to start posting confessions after reading those blogs where people can anonymously post confessions. Why keep it a secret? Probably the same reason I don't tell people my thoughts. But y0u know what? I'm trying to face my fears and try new things. So hello world full of nosey people, these are my confessions.

Clutter

Photo by Jen Wong

Although the idea of the future scares the crap out of me, there is one thing that I look forward to so much- having my own place. I love love love places like Ikea so I can check out how rooms are decorated and designed, and magazines! & I love really nice-looking houses. If you're ever in a car with me, you've had to hear at least one comment about a house come out of my mouth. I'm really excited to decorate my own place, and keep it organized.

For those of you that don't know, my house is a mess. It's not exactly decorated trendy, and we're basically pack rats. We have everything and anything, and it definitely shows throughout our house. It's a mess, and I'm willing to admit it. I swear the whole family knows, but my parents both work a lot, so it's not like they'd clean it & I don't think my brother really cares. & as for me, well whenever I do decide to organize something, no one follows my system and it gets messed up, so I just stop trying.

So with all that being said, you'd think that my room is super neat & organized or something, but sadly, no. In fact, my room is a total mess right now, and I would like to address that.

I heard somewhere that when your desk is cluttered, you have a cluttered mind, or something along those lines. I do have to admit... it's typically true. I feel so much better when my room is clean/decent. Right now, it looks as if a tornado hit it because I've really had no time to clean and organize in, and I do have to say that my mind is completely, fully, and utterly cluttered. Here's the thing: my mind is so cluttered that I can't even reach the stage where I'd even start to clean my room... or start to address all the thoughts in my head. I spent all of today basically sitting in my bed, looking at my room as if it were going to clean itself. (Not to mention trying to prevent my nightmare thoughts from taking over my life).

I really need to declutter both my room, and my life. Anyone want to help?